


Fate is a fickle whore

by tomorrow



Category: (500) Days of Summer (2009), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Crossover, F/M, M/M, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 10:38:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomorrow/pseuds/tomorrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A (500)DoS!Wolfstar AU</p><p>This is a story of boy meets girl. But before they do, you should know up front this is a <b>love story</b>.</p><p>I blame this AU to my early exposure to sad British pop music and a total misreading of the movie, <i>The Prisoner of Azkaban</i>. And yes, I’m paraphrasing <i>(500) days of Summer</i>.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Updates every Friday!</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JANUARY 8TH,1984

(488)

Sirius Black's parents taught him that money is everything and it could buy everything, even love. Life had taught him that money can't buy love and actually, love itself couldn't buy love. Some things are a little bit more complicated than that.

“It’s a funny thing, ain’t it Moony?” Sirius marveled, grinning to the horizon. “How despite life and fate, some love stories can have happy endings.”

Remus Lupin sitting next to him in the black park bench, smiled as he pressed his hand tighter against Sirius’. Sirius liked the way the golden wedding ring embraced Remus’ skin, as if it was meant to be from the very beginning of times.

Yes indeed, some love stories are meant to have happy endings.

 

(1)

_Sirius Black met Remus Lupin on January 8th at the Office of Postage and Enlightenment in the Ministry of Magic. In an instant, he will know he’s the one he’s been looking for._

There is no easy way to explain how Sirius Black ended working at the _Office of Postage and Enlightenmen_ t, two floors below his actual dream job. There is, however, an easy way to explain why Sirius Black was so happy to be a part of the _Office of Postage and Enlightenment_ that exact Wednesday morning.

It all begins with the whispered rumors about a new member joining the office back from Christmas holidays. Since November, gatherings around the _Automagical_ water server increased astronomically, and by January, everyone was buzzing to meet that mysterious new employee that used to work for muggles. Despite alleging he hated gossip, Sirius Black was as excited as his co-workers and he secretly wished for the employee to be a woman. He had even spent a fair amount of Christmas holidays imagining her; and from all the news he had overheard, he concluded that she had to be beautiful and funny, and even if she wasn’t pretty, she was definitely adventurous and she would have a lot of muggle stories to tell. In his excitement, he even brought up the topic with James and Peter; James totally agreed with him, mostly because he was relieved to see him back on his feet after his last crush. Peter, who had spent all holidays scribbling furiously in mountains of parchment, nervous about his presentation to the _OPE’s Board_ , mostly nodded and shrugged absently.

Just now, Peter was levitating, with a shaky hand, the multiple parchment rolls he had written through all December. He seemed to be the only one who wasn’t staring intently at the desk in the front door, usually occupied by Sarah Goodman, the former secretary. In fact, Peter was desperately trying to get some of Sirius’ attention by elbowing him in the ribs as he stammered one question after another. “What’s another way to say improvement? Should I say bettering? Progression-essing? How was that word you said the other day again… enhan-something?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and unceremoniously slapped Peter’s elbow away. However, keeping distance with Peter and trying to find the new employee was proving to be a very difficult task, as everyone stormed into the conference room, pushing and stepping in everyone’s feet. “Sirius, Sirius, what was the word?” Peter insisted.

“For Merlin’s sake, fucking breath between questions,” Sirius barked in nuisance. “You’re gonna do just fine.”

“And what if I don’t?” Peter replied, giving a small leap to keep up with Sirius’ long strides. “Oh Godric! What if the Minister shows in?”

Sirius chuckled, “Seriously Wormtail? The Minister of Magic? In a den like this? I bet even Mrs. Montgomery hates it in here.”

“I strongly disagree,” Peter fumed. “Without our help, there wouldn’t be a way for the Ministry to communicate with the rest of the Departments. And, AND! Padfoot, how could the rest of the wizarding world ever acquaintance the existence of the Ministry without our ads?” he insisted, pointing to one of the posters hanging across the hall. This one featured Mad-Eye Moody being his usual gloomy self underneath white letters claiming KEEP CALM AND JOIN THE AUROR FORCES. Sirius stopped just a second to decorate Mad-Eye’s upper lip with a French moustache. “Oh, that’s so mature,” Peter disapproved.

Sirius retailed with a wicked grin in his face. “More mature than the time you wrapped your underwear in a gift box and sent it to McGonagall?”

Peter blushed violently. “You dared me to do it!” he shouted and someone laughed behind them. Sirius and Peter glanced back at the same time, discovering a lean young man that had a noticeable scar crossing his right cheek. “Sorry,” he muttered before scurrying in the opposite direction the rest of the employees were marching.

Sirius looked at Peter. “Is that the new guy?” he asked. Peter shrugged. “He could be. I heard Mary from Weekly Memos saying that Dumbledore himself had gotten him the job.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Sirius huffed, striding inside the Conference Room. “If he’s Dumbledore’s protégée what can he possibly be doing here? I would take any other department if I had a chance.”

“Well, you had the chance,” Peter muttered under his breath.

Sirius turned back, about to sit in the farther chair to the front. “What was that?”

“I said: me too,” Peter lied with an innocent smile.

 

Half an hour later, Mrs. Montgomery complimented Peter’s work as he smiled so widely that his face seemed twice its actual size. Sirius played with the idea of pointing all the wrongs in his friend’s work just for the joy of pissing him off, but he abandoned it in the last minute.

“Excellent work, Pettigrew.” said Mrs. Montgomery. “I really hope this can encourage all those employees that are too… shy to give some ideas.” When she said this, she stared intently at the back of the room, where Sirius was too busy fighting back an evil grin. “Do you have something to add, Mister Black?”

“Not really. It’s just that it’s the first time I hear that someone finds Peter encouraging.” Everyone but Peter and Mrs. Montgomery roared with laughter. Peter’s smile smeared down and Mrs. Montgomery frowned in a way that resembled McGonagall’s. “As a matter of fact, you don’t seem to be easily encouraged to do anything, Mr. Black,” she said, cutting the laughter right away.

Sirius bit the inner of his cheek furiously, choking back the embarrassment. “Please take a seat Peter, you did a great work,” Mrs. Montgomery ordered with a sort of motherly voice. “What are your plans for this month, Mary?” she continued, addressing to a brunette two seats behind the place Peter sat on. Mary began ranting about owl efficiency but Sirius could still feel a couple of eyes fixated in his nape, so he stood up as swiftly as he could and paced his way to the door. Just as he put his hand in the knob, someone else opened it from the outside and Sirius found the new assistant’s freckled (massive) nose inches from his own. There were a few seconds where they locked gazes and Sirius was about to step back but then the guy said “Sorry,” in the same submissive tone he had used in the hallway and moved to a side. Sirius took a step out and the new assistant stormed inside, shutting the door behind him.

Black stopped behind the closed door the exact amount of time to hear Mrs. Montgomery’s muffled voice saying “Oh, it’s you Remus, darling. Have you settled already?” The new assistant —Remus, must have answered something but his voice was so low and nasal that Sirius couldn’t hear it and instead decided to stride down the hallway, his stomach tingling in a funny way.

 

 

(291)

James and Peter opened the door for him with identical consternation faces. “We didn’t know who else to call” James said.

“It’s Mary McDonald all over again,” Peter added.

“You did the right thing,” Regulus replied, tossing his broom behind the door. “Where is he?”

Peter and James pointed to the kitchen and Regulus heard Peter muttering “Be careful,” as if his older brother was a rabid wild animal. “Sirius,” Regulus called.

Sirius froze. He was standing in the middle of a mountain of broken plates and teacups. Lily’s Christmas gift, a purple kettle, fell to the ground with a loud clang when Sirius finally reacted and withdrew his wand. “Reg? What are you doing here?” Sirius inquired raising both eyebrows.

“I’m here to help you,” Regulus replied. He waved his own wand across the room and mumbled _Reparo._ Most of the shattered ceramic pieces turned into dishes again and came back to its shelves. “Come on. Let’s get you something to drink shall we?”

Back in the living room, James handed a vodka glass to Sirius, who drank it as if it was water instead. Then, he fell flat on the couch. Regulus took a seat in the coffee table, his hands resting interlaced in his lap. “So,” he began. “What is it now?”

James re-filled the glass. Sirius re-emptied it in two sips and vaguely stared at his younger brother. “Does mom knows you’re here? You know, with the black Black in the sheep family? Was that…?” Sirius frowned.

Regulus smirked “Shut up you drunk retard. And for your information, I’m a grown man and I can go wherever the fuck I want. Now, what about telling me what the hell happened this time?”

Sirius breathed heavily and shut his eyes closed just a second. He smiled bitterly as he began his story.

 

 

(245 1/2)

If there was something Sirius wanted to share with Remus from magic London was Mrs. Rose Clement’s pancakes. He used to say that if Mrs. Clement and Florean Fortescue from Diagon Alley ever got married, it will be the most amazing day in the dessert gastronomy’s history.

“I’m telling you, it’s like eating a slice of heaven with maple syrup on top,” Sirius said to a rather distant Remus sitting in front of him. “It can cure everything. They’re even better than Mrs. Pomfrey’s… anything.” Remus scratched the side of the table. “Oh, I didn’t mean to,” Sirius apologized “I often forget about your homeschooling and all that. Sorry.”

“I think we should stop seeing each other,” Remus blatantly announced.

“Yeah, right,” Sirius tried to pretend it was a joke, but Remus wasn’t laughing at all. “Wait, what?”

“I said: I think we should stop seeing each other,” Remus repeated calmly.

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times before he could blurt out a “Why?”

Remus looked down to his legs. “This… thing, whatever we have here. I mean, don’t you think it’s not… not right?”

“Not right?” Sirius blurted. “Not ri… Who cares? I’m happy. Are you happy?”

“Are you?”

“I asked first.”

Remus finally raised his eyes to exchange a look with Sirius. “All we do is argue!”

“I’m not arguing! Are you arguing?” Sirius snapped as he turned to the old lady in the table next to theirs. “Do you think we’re arguing ma’am?” The old woman took her purse from the back of the chair and quickly moved away to a farther table. Remus gripped Sirius’ wrist to get his attention “Stop it.”

Sirius turned back to look at him. His eyes, usually in a light shade of grey, darkened with a coal spark. “Stop what?”

“Just stop it. Stop acting like it’s such a surprise. We’ve been like Gryffindor and Slytherin for weeks now.”

Sirius sighed in exasperation. “Remus, Slytherin built a frigging secret basement and hid a monster inside without telling anyone just because he was mad at Gryffindor. Not to mention that they weren’t even a couple. I hardly doubt we’re motherfucking Godric and Salazar. But forget about it, doesn’t matter, you couldn’t know any of this.”

Remus’ left hand trembled behind the table and his lips were a thin pale line. “Just because I never went to Hogwarts doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about it,” he remarked. “Also, if you think I am unable of keeping secrets from you, then maybe you should think again.”

“Oh, so you’re hiding things from me now?” Sirius almost yelled.

A tall horsey waitress put their pancakes over the table in a slow motion. Sirius bit his lip to avoid shouting something else to Remus. The waitress left and Remus followed her with his eyes as she went behind the counter again. “Forget about it, Sirius. Let’s just eat ok? I’m starving.” Remus lifted the fork in his plate with the right hand as calmly as he could, ignoring the vicious stare in Sirius’ face.

“Mmmh, you were right, they’re actually very good,” he noted, mouth full. Sirius glared at his plate as if it was a basilisk egg instead. “What?” Remus asked trying to sound innocent.

Sirius stood up and headed for the door. “Sirius stop, we still can be friends!” Remus called. Sirius growled low and dangerous.

He slammed the door on his way out.

 

 

(3)

“First thing you have to remember is to be kind to people, no, coworkers. You might find new additions to your office, no, plant, no, place, no… dammit, this ain’t working,” Sirius growled under his breath, crossing an entire line in the parchment.

“What’s not working?” Peter asked, from the contiguous desk.

“Nothing,” Sirius mumbled, staring at his sketch of the annual Now you’re back to work pamphlet, as if he could write it by the mere strength of his gaze.

Peter shrugged and tapped the top of his typewriter, which came to life happily tapping here and there. After a few seconds, Sirius ripped the top portion of the parchment and tossed it in the bin. “I’m done with this,” he sighed, crossing his hands behind the nape. “So, Pete? What do we know about this new guy?”

Peter turned at Sirius in confusion. “Who? Lupin?” The typewriter happily tapped the word Lupin several times before Peter could notice. “Shit. _Finite Incantem._ Well, not much. I heard he takes muggle jobs. Oh, and Amanda from _Owls and Packaging_ found him in the Gemino room once and asked him out.”

“Really?” Sirius inquired, carelessly leaning his chair back so he could spot the front door’s desk. “Wasn’t Amanda the one dating that guy Marcus from fourth floor?”

“Um… I have no idea,” Peter replied, struggling to take the piece of paper off the typewriter. “Not that it matters (fucking machine) because he said no (For Merlin’s underpants, let it go!).”

Sirius’ front chair legs slammed loudly in the floor. Peter jumped and the movement finally got the paper sheet out of the cylinder. He couldn’t properly celebrate his success because Sirius leant over his desk and asked, almost in a whisper. “Do you think he’s…?”

“Nah,” Peter shrugged, throwing the ruined paper in the bin. “Maybe he was just in a hurry.”

“Or maybe he’s a pompous know-it-all dick,” Sirius replied, sitting straight again.

“Maybe,” Peter hovered his wand over the typewriter before deciding to go back to ink and parchment. “Why do girls always fancy idiots?”

“Because they think they can make them change. Oh, if they only knew…” Sirius sighed dramatically.  “Anyway, he doesn’t quite look like an idiot to me. I mean, he keeps his quills in a can and I bet there’s no food in his desk drawers.”

Peter stopped scribbling in his parchment to ask, almost wickedly. “And what do you think _he is_?”

Sirius half-shrugged. “A bit of a hypocrite, really. I mean, we haven’t even met and I can’t stand him already.”

Peter nodded and spread the finished note to let the ink dry. “I bet you fancy him. You write his name in your bedroom walls and all that,” he teased with a grin.

Sirius laughed to hide the faint blush that had tinted his cheeks. “He’s not my type. Too much hair and not enough entrances, if you know what I mean,” he winked.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find a fair entrance once you try,” Peter muttered once he was sure Sirius couldn’t hear him.

 

 

(4)

There were a few things Sirius hated about the Ministry. Owls shitting in the halls when they delivered the memos, Unspeakables talking very loud and only with adjectives —as if they couldn’t wait to be asked about their “secret business”… but without any doubts, the top of the list were the jingles inside the lift. Sirius didn’t have a proper reason to hate them, but then again, neither Peter had a proper reason to hum along them. Every. Fucking. Time.

The only day jingles became tolerable were Saturdays, because that meant they were finally free for the weekend and Sirius wouldn’t hear any version of _Für Elias_ until next Monday. There was nothing in the world that could bother Sirius on Saturday afternoon… at least not until Peter and him rounded the corner to the elevator’s hallway and Sofia Mendes’ laughter chimed in their ears. She patted Remus Lupin in the shoulder as she said in her heavy Spaniard accent “I can’t believe you did that, Remus! It’s so funny.” Sirius felt as if an invisible hand was clenching his intestines and he suddenly noticed that Peter had been humming a jingle all along, “Could you stop that?” he burst angrily.

Peter jumped and Sofia looked in their direction. “Was I humming again? Sorry, the tunes are so catchy I can’t help it,” he replied, tapping the golden doors with his wand to call the lift.

“Hi Sirius, Peter,” Sofia said, smiling in their direction.

“Hey,” Sirius replied with a crooked smile. Peter waved at her shyly. “Oh well, it’s getting late and I have a meeting with Frank Longbottom,” Sofia announced. “Have a nice weekend boys!”

“Wait, I can walk you if you want,” Remus offered.

“Kiss ass,” Sirius spat as soon as Remus and Sofia’s red dress disappeared round the corner.

Peter nodded solemnly. “But cheer up man! It’s Saturday and we have all weekend for ourselves! I’ve been feeling an itch for adventure all week, ain’t you?”

“Now that you mention so, I do feel a weird itch. But I’m pretty sure it’s an allergic reaction to your new cologne,” Sirius retailed. “It stinks like grindylow pee.”

“I’m not wearing any cologne,” Peter replied, the tip of his ears reddening. Sirius laughed as the lift stopped, opening its golden doors with a metallic sound. Just a second after Peter got his chubby ass inside the box, a boney guy rushed through the hallway. It was Remus Lupin, back from walking Sofia to the OPE. Sirius felt a wicked pleasure as he imagined him cursing to the closing gates.

But then Peter hit his head with his hand and exclaimed, “I forgot something in my desk!” as he pointed to the lift’s door with his wand to keep it open.

“It can’t be that important,” Sirius insisted, but Remus was already inside the box, breathing heavily.

“Oh, it is. Don’t worry, I’ll take the next one. See you later!” he said before jumping to the hallway and letting the doors close in front of Sirius. “Thanks,” Lupin said, half panting, once the lift began moving.

“It no big deal,” Sirius shrugged. Silence grew heavy, despite the obnoxious jingle echoing the walls. “So, what happened to your face?” Sirius asked, unable to keep his mouth shout for too long.

To Sirius’ surprise, Remus blushed so hard that the scar in his cheek almost gleamed white between all the red. “I… it was a car accident,” he replied.

“And why didn’t you go to St. Mungo’s? No blood, no scar…” Sirius asked bluntly.

Remus shrugged shyly. “I don’t mind having it,” he muttered. Sirius decided that he liked him and that he wasn’t a hypocrite after all. He smiled at Remus. “They’re beautiful, ain’t they? I keep some, like a trophy,” Sirius said.

“Yeah,” Remus replied, blushing slightly again. Sirius felt a small tug in his stomach when the lift stopped and the cold female voice announced _Now arriving to the Level 8, the Atrium._ Remus beamed at Sirius and got lost among the rest of the people. Sirius stood there, smiling stupidly until he noticed the lift was moving again and he had to rush outside as well.

 

 

(83)

“I think I’m gay,” Sirius said, interrupting James’ ramble about expensive lady’s underwear.

James chuckled. “Of course,” he nodded.

“Prongs, I mean it,” Sirius insisted, dodging a witch with a big basket of singing daffodils.

“You know, if you’re tired of shopping with me, you can leave any time. There’s no need for this kind of stupid jokes.”

“James Charlus Potter,” Sirius said, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. “Though I am tired of hearing your flimsy complaints about ladies’ undergarments, I do mean it. I think I’m gay.”

James doubted a split second before laughing again. “That’s very good acting Pads,” he said, heading to the _Broom Shop_. “I almost believed it.”

“That’s because I wasn’t acting!” Sirius burst out. “I’m gay. I’M GAY, I’M GAY. I’M GAY!”

James stopped walking. The daffodils were now chanting “I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay” in high-pitch soprano voices. “Dude, there’s no need to make such racket,” Potter said nervously looking at both sides of Diagon Alley. A pair of young witches pointed at them and chuckled with their heads down; the witch with the daffodils gave them a disapproving look.

Sirius sighed. “All right, no more yelling. Just… look at me in the eye would you? This is hard enough without having to repeat it over and over again for your tiny, tiny brain to understand,” James did as he was told and locked his gaze on Sirius’. “I think I’m gay,” Sirius repeated without hesitation for the hundredth time in an hour.

James was about to laugh again but he caught a solemnity on his friend’s eyes that he hadn’t seen since he told him he had been burnt out from the Black family tree. “I don’t understand,” James frowned, “Like… are you… gay as in ‘I fucked all the girls in England so I need other choices’ or… as in… you know…?”

Sirius stared at his feet. “I’m not sure yet, all right?”

“All right?! You’re ‘not sure yet’? Then why the fuck are you dropping this bomb on me?” James snapped.

“Well… I… Don’t dare to laugh you wanker,” Sirius walked away and James had to run a little in order to hear his next words. “Remember the bird Pete told you I was dating?”

“Uh-hum…” James nodded.

“Thing is… well, it wasn’t a she,” Sirius clarified and James’ jaw dropped to the ground. “Well, say something!”

“I…” James tried to be supportive but gay jokes invaded his brain. “I’m not going to see any Broadway musicals with you, understood?”

Sirius snorted and hit James’ arm playfully. “Shut up,” he said.

 

 

(8)

“And then she said I was a pig, which I don’t think I deserve since I was just being nice and besides her friend was really on the ugly si…” Peter cut his speech when Sirius stopped by Remus’ desk, just a few steps from the exit door. Remus and Peter shared the same confused look.

“We’re going for lunch,” Sirius said. “Wanna come?”

“I…” Remus wavered. “I still have to do some paperwork for Mrs. Montgomery to sign it and there are some memos to file.”

Sirius rested his elbows on top of Remus’ desk and rolled his eyes. “All I heard was bla bla bla boring stuff. Are you hungry or not?”

Remus shrugged. “Yes,” he smiled. “I’m kind of hungry, thanks.”

“Perfect, let’s go,” Sirius urged, elbowing Peter on his way out.

“I thought you didn’t like him,” Peter mumbled once Remus walked a few steps ahead.

“I don’t like the food in here but I still have to eat it sometimes,” Sirius shrugged. “Speaking of which… it’s Pizza Wednesday. I hate pizza.”

“You don’t like pizza?” Remus asked, turning back to look at Sirius.

“I love pizza,” Sirius replied. “But you will hate pizza in here too, trust me.” Peter opened the door for them and the rancid smell of oil clanged to their noses. Sirius pointed to a large empty table and Remus and Peter sat sheepishly.

“So... Rick?” Sirius began, sitting in front of Remus.

“It’s Remus,” he corrected politely.

“Right,” Sirius nodded carelessly. “So… New in town? Making a lot of friends already?”

Remus grimaced. “Well, I’m not much of a friends person you know.”

“Well, now you have us,” Sirius pointed at Peter, sitting awkwardly next to Remus.

Remus smiled, looking at his hands. “Yeah, thanks.”

There was an awkward silence.

Peter coughed. “Um… Not to be rude, but am I the only one who plans to eat in the lunch time?” his stomach growled as if to emphasize the fact that he was starving. “I’ll go get some food, don’t tell him anything bad about me while I’m gone.”

Sirius let his eyes wander in Peter’s direction for a while before sighing dramatically. “And, what made you move in?” he asked, looking back at Remus.

“I got bored,” Remus replied blatantly and then, as if to apologize, he added, “But I like it in here. It’s kind of noisy, compared with Newcastle, but…” he shrugged. “How long have you lived here?”

“Twenty three years or something like that,” Sirius replied. “My parents had a mansion at Grimmauld Place. But I moved out when I was sixteen, with my little brother. We don’t live together anymore, however. He’s got a big house in the country side.”

Much to Sirius’ discomfort, Remus inquired, “And what about you?”

“Me?” Sirius asked, trying to gain time. “Well, I share a building with a Chinese restaurant, one of my friends, and an old lady with plenty of tiny Chihuahuas. You wouldn’t like it, it’s too noisy,” he winked.

Remus chuckled. “Very funny. And I’m not sure that you like it neither. What does your little brother did to get such a nice house before you?”

“Regulus? Oh, that snob,” Sirius smiled, leaning back in his seat. “He plays for the Falmouth Falcons. It was his dream job since he was four. He gets me tickets now and then.”

Instead of looking astounded or interested, Remus’ face turned in a mask of curiosity and what looked like pity towards Sirius. “What about you?” he asked, a voice so low that Sirius could have ignored it if he wanted.

But he didn’t get that question often, so he didn’t ignored it. Instead, he replied with a stupid joke. “I get him office supplies now and then.”

Remus laughed and just when Sirius thought he had averted the frightful “How do you feel about your brother being a quidditch star given that you are a Nobody?” question, Remus insisted, “I meant, did you always want to work in ministerial postage?”

“Are you kidding me? I don’t even want to do it now.” Sirius chuckled faintly, but Remus didn’t and Sirius felt awkwardly conscious of his facial gestures. Remus asked “What do you want to do?” and though they had just met, it felt as if he really cared about the answer. Maybe that was why Sirius found it so hard to reply. In the end, he decided for a lie. “Nothing. Being the heir of a pure blood dynasty is kind of a huge deal, I have enough money to live life with luxury, so I don’t really care.” As soon as the words “pure blood” left his mouth, Sirius wanted to bite them back and Remus might have noticed that because he grinned and said “That’s bollocks. What do you really want to do, Sirius?”

Aside from James, no one had ever talked to him with such decision. Sirius lost ground for a few seconds. “Well, it’s silly actually,” Black waved his hand across the dining, regaining control. “An auror? I even took the tests and all that but… you know.”

 

“No, I don’t know. Please, Mister Black, enlighten me,” Remus insisted, interlacing his long, pale fingers over the table. They were like thin spiders but somehow there was something strong in the way they moved.

Sirius sighed. “All right. I was a bit of a dick back then and I did some stupid things. I mean, I’m still a bit of a dick, but… I heard they were going to take me in the Force anyway, because of my family’s name and all that, but I… I don’t want to be tied to them.”

“Biting the hand that fed you?” Remus tried to smile.  “Well, that’s quite… canine.”

The comment made Sirius chuckle. “Why, thank you. Actually that’s what my friends call me. Padfoot, like a dog.”

“Oh. Kids in elementary used to call me Anal Boy,” Remus noted. Sirius choked with his own saliva. “Because I was very neat and organized,” Remus clarified.

There was an awkward silence that Sirius didn’t know how to break. Finally, Sirius stood up and announced unceremoniously that he was going to help Peter with the trays.

 

 

(22)

“There should be a quidditch videogame,” Regulus assessed, as he unsuccessfully tried to catch a prize box.

“You would suck in that one too,” Sirius laughed.

“And _have you_ sucked your boyfriend/crush already?” Regulus teased. It worked. Sirius’ kart went off control for a split second and Regulus took advantage of it.

“It’s not a crush. And I’m not gonna suck him ever,” Sirius replied. “He’s just a… fellow co-worker who enjoys the same things I do.”

“Maybe that’s because you spend half of the day trying to find things in common,” Regulus replied. “I’m getting tired of the whole ‘He likes the Holyhead Harpeys too, and he has a LP of The Bad Wolves in his desk. We drink the same beer and he wasn’t in Hogwarts, but I bet he would’ve been a Gryffindor. Or a Ravenclaw. Bla, bla, bla. Remus marry me.’”

Sirius tossed a pillow in Regulus’ direction but his brother ducked just in time, still laughing. “I didn’t said ‘Remus, marry me’. And still, you have to admit it’s too much of a coincidence. Even James dislikes The Bad Wolves.”

“Because they suck,” Regulus assessed, kicking away the pillow. “Besides, you don’t have the right to rant non-stop about someone just because he likes the same bizarre things you do.”

“For the last time, I’m not in love with him!” Sirius replied, smashing a red shell onto his brother’s kart. Yoshi made a whimpering sound as he entered the finish line in 4th place. Sirius tossed the controller on the couch with a self-sufficient smile, his half of the screen shining with the 1st place golden number. Regulus smirked, still with the controller in his hands. “What?”

“I didn’t say that you were in love with him,” his little brother replied. Sirius narrowed his eyes before letting his arms loose at his sides in defeat.

“Fuck you and your inverse psychology,” he cursed.

“It wasn’t inverse psychology. It’s just that you’re stupid,” Regulus replied, patting his shoulder playfully. Sirius chuckled and then Regulus asked, in a more solemn tone. “Have you told James?”

Sirius’ smile smeared in matter of seconds. He stared at the tip of his shoes as he replied, “I don’t think I should. He’ll freak out or something.” He shrugged, trying to send away the knot in his stomach.

“Dude, you almost adopted him as the third brother,” Regulus insisted. “He _has_ to know.”

Sirius recovered his relaxed pose and tousled his little brother’s hair. “Who died and made you the wise one?”

 

 

(13)

Sirius fixated his gaze in a dark blotch in the St. Mungo’s cafeteria wall, trying violently to divert his thoughts from Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin and his stupid love bite in the neck. Remus Lupin and his poor way of lying when he answered the “How was your weekend?” question with a loose smile and a simple “It was fine”. As if those dark rings beneath his eyes weren’t an obvious sign that he didn’t slept all over the weekend because he was too busy having wild sex with a chick that he picked up in a muggle bus.

James’ voice brought him to reality. “Are you okay Padfoot?”

Sirius tried to sound natural and thoughtless. “Yeah, I’m super. Why do you ask?”

“Because you just tore to pieces all of our napkins,” James replied with a half amused, half worried glare.

Sirius turned his gaze to his lap and discovered a mountain of paper napkins turned into thin strips. He was about to shrug and blame the _Office_ , but Peter chose that exact moment to be a part in the conversation. “He’s just mad because Remus didn’t show up to work last Saturday and he won’t tell him why,” he explained.

“Ah, so it’s just your ego complaining?” James beamed.

“It’s not my ego,” Sirius retailed, a little hurt. “It’s just that Lupin tosser, I can’t stand him, all right?”

“You didn’t say that last Friday when you were talking about that muggle magic trick that he can do with the cups and the seeds,” Peter said with a mordacious tone.

“Shut up, you little rat,” Sirius barked. “At least I didn’t pee in my pants every time James here caught the snitch back in the ol’ days.”

“Oh, so does that mean you’re like a fan of this Lupin guy or…?” James asked.

“I think the problem is that it’s not the other way around,” Peter noted, swallowing an entire fry in one bite.

Sirius didn’t respond. He was too busy recalling that day when Remus said he was going to the cafeteria and asked him if he wanted something; Sirius had said “I think you know what I want” and felt ridiculous for it. Remus and his stupid confused look didn’t help at all. Or that time he silenced the jingles on the lift and patiently waited for Remus but he took the stairs instead.

James smiled faintly as he caught Sirius’ concerned look. “Cheer up, mate! We don’t know, maybe he’s got a crush on you.”

Peter nodded with his trying-to-be-helpful face. “I get clumsy when I have a crush on someone,” he said.

Something jumped inside Sirius’ chest but when he talked, he tried to sound annoyed. “I don’t care if he’s got a crush on me. All I want is for him to have the decency of keeping his mood swings for himself.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” James shrugged. As if talking to Remus about mood swings was going to help at all.

“Don’t be stupid,” Sirius replied.


	2. A FOUR LETTER WORD

_Let me give you a clue. It begins with F._

(31)

Sirius couldn’t understand why anyone in _Weather and Background Music_ could think that Regina Phalange’s _Near_ was a good album to play non-stop through all Monday morning. It wasn’t that Regina’s voice wasn’t likable, it was the lyrics that drove Sirius crazy. He tried casting a Silencing Charm around his entire desk to try and do something, but it didn’t help that Remus kept walking everywhere, crossing several times in Sirius’ range of vision.

It was about the fourth track when Peter came back from the restrooms, looking excited to the point of buzzing. He waved his hands insistently for Sirius to take off the charm and Sirius ignored him for a solid three minutes. When Sirius gave up, _King Arthur_ was on.

_I fought against Fate, but It can’t be tamed._

_It held your feet. It tied your hands and shut your mouth,_

_Fate, take my breath, engulf my voice, I don’t need them anymore._

 

Peter indeed, engulfed Regina’s voice with and excited statement, “It’s Friday. The Leaky Cauldron. Karaoke night.”

Sirius shook his head, beaming ironically at his friend, “Oh no, there’s no way we’re going back together in there.”

“For Merlin’s sake, it wasn’t that bad!” Peter whined, as if he was expecting the negative.

“Dude, you made out with the ugliest harpy in the bar, threw up in a semi-giant’s feet and threatened to release the Seven Plagues of Egypt before passing out in the sidewalk.”

Peter’s cheeks reddened with a light pink shade. “All right, I get your point. But this time’s different,” he asserted. “The whole office’s coming.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Sirius raised his wand, ready to cast the Silencing Charm again. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t, there’s a lot of things to…”

“You’re not listening to me!” Peter cut in. “The _whole office_ is going.”

Sirius let his eyes wander a split second at Remus’ desk before fixating his gaze back on Peter again. A sudden realization lightened up his eyes. It dimmed when he noticed that Peter shouldn’t know about his crush on Remus. “How did you…?” he asked.

Peter shrugged. “I’m a good observer.”

“I think you mean a good spy, you little rat,” Sirius barked in amusement. “Not a word to James about this, though.”

Peter shook his head vigorously. “My mouth is a tomb. Does that mean you’re coming?”

 

 

(31 ½)

Sirius decided in the last minute that he wasn’t going and Peter left alone, wearing his ridiculous _Your mom likes the way I hold the mic_ shirt and a disappointed face. He ordered pizza and called James for a movie night but he was busy with Lily in the hospital and movie night and pizza by your own was kind of lame.

And that’s the story of how Sirius grabbed his dragon leather jacket, a pack of cigarettes and Apparated for Leaky Cauldron’s karaoke night one hour late. Peter’s voice pitching off _Living on an Imperius_ , by _Dragon Arthur Pendragon_ welcomed him inside.

_RE-EVOLUTION COMES NOW_

_Noo-oh We’re not! I’m not_

_Living on an Imperius OH-OOH!_

He spotted Sirius in the final note and he waved at him before jumping off the stage. Sirius dived through the crowd and into the stage, but changed his route when he saw Remus’ chuckling face by the bar. “Hi,” Sirius called, standing at his left side.

Remus turned to look at him and his mouth curved in a wide smile. “Hey! Peter said you weren’t coming.”

“I had some stuff to take care before I…” Sirius began, interrupted by Peter suddenly jumping inside his arms, clearly a bit drunk. Sirius pushed him away and Peter chuckled as if being tossed around was the funniest way to spend Friday night. “Over here!” Peter shouted at the witch in the stage, who was handling the microphone over the crowd. “He wants to go next!”

“I don’t…” Sirius trailed, but he found himself being pushed to the stage and when he turned around to look for Remus, he smiled and raised his thumbs encouragingly. “Well… I’m not drunk enough for this,” he said, taking the microphone in his hands. It took him longer to say this than to get a glass half-full with amber liquid. He drank it in a quick swig and gave it back to Tom along with his requested song. “Hit it, Tom!” he shouted, shaking his head to the music. “ _And one, and two and three…”_

_Oh please I plead you_

_Come on closer, make me howl_

_Set the claws, tear me up_

_Baby, we’ll be animals tonight_

Remus looked around and he wasn’t surprised to discover that all of the girls in there were losing their knickers for Sirius’ rough singing voice. He was amused however, when in the last verse ( _You better run on Wolf’s Moon_ ), Sirius stared straight at him, licking his upper lip in a way that made him blush like a teenage girl. Sirius jumped off the stage and got to Remus in three long strides. “How did I do it?” he asked in Remus’ ear. Remus told himself that Sirius was only so close to him because there was too much noise in the bar, it didn’t mean anything else.

“Magnificent,” Remus replied, as calmly as he could. “The Black Wolves should hire you as their new vocalist.”

“And leave a promising career at the Ministry? No thank you,” Sirius replied ironically. Peter laughed hysterically with the comment and Sirius felt as if the little bubble in which he had mentally placed Remus and him, had exploded. “Come on, let’s get a table.”

They found a free table in a corner near the stage and Sirius pushed Peter against the chair in the wall in order to sit in front of Remus. “And… Do you want a drink?” Sirius offered clumsily. Remus shook his head, raising his half-empty Butterbeer bottle, “I’m good, thanks.”

“I want a drink,” Peter said.

“So… do you like the _Wolves_?” Sirius asked, completely snubbing Peter.

“They’re nice,” Remus replied. “I kinda prefer the _Rollings_.”

Sirius beamed. “Do you? I love _Sympathy for the Devil_!”

“Really?” Remus asked, looking amused. “Doesn’t your family disagree on your music choices?”

Sirius chuckled and shrugged. “My family disagrees on my life choices in general.”

Peter removed in his seat uncomfortably and tried to cut in the conversation. “I like _The Beatles_.”

“They’re good,” Remus agreed, and then back to Sirius, “This is so weird. I named my first dog after Jagger.” 

“Really? What was his name?” Sirius asked.

Remus frowned in confusion, “Um… Mick?”

Sirius felt his face turning red. “Oh. That makes sense.”

Remus chuckled and Sirius thought that Remus’ laugh was the most amazing sound in Planet Earth. Unfortunately, Peter interrupted the moment. “So, do you have a girlfriend?”

“No,” Remus replied still with a faint smile. Sirius felt a nice fluttering inside his stomach: He didn’t have a girlfriend.

“Well, why not?” Peter insisted. “I mean, you’re a decent bloke, and there must be a girl that digs your smart-ish pose.”

“I guess there are,” Remus replied, as if he was trying to explain to a troll how to cast a levitating spell. “But I don’t like…”

“Girls?” Peter interrupted. “Do you like guys? Because that’s fine with us, you know?”

“Why, thanks Peter. But that’s not what I was going to say,” Remus rolled his eyes and glanced at Sirius. “I meant that I don’t like relationships, they are messy and someone always ends up hurt.  Maybe it’s selfish, but I like being on my own. I’m happy like that.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Peter sighed, frowning in confusion.

Sirius, that had been mildly pleased with the way the conversation was going, jumped in his seat. “Wait. What if you meet someone and fall in love?” he asked, directly at Remus.

As a response, Remus laughed. “Do you really believe in that?”

Sirius’ guts stung his chest, offended. “Of course I do. It’s love, not Babbity Rabbity. What do you mean by ‘I don’t believe in love’?”

Remus smiled, as if seeing Sirius fuming with anger amused him somehow. “I didn’t say that I don’t believe in love,” he corrected. “I just said I don’t like the idea of love. I mean, everyone says that a mom loves their children, but that’s just because they are _hers_ , get it? Same goes for married couples, or couples in general. It’s pretty possessive, selfish, if you want. And it usually disappears at the very sight of a big problem.”

Sirius didn’t give up. “Well, maybe it wasn’t love. That’s what makes it such a big deal: that’s very hard to find.”

Remus shrugged. “Or maybe all problems are really big.”

Sirius locked gazes with Remus for what seemed to be hours. Feeling a discussion coming, Peter slammed his hand against the table to distract them. It did the trick. They jumped but fixated their eyes on Peter this time. “Ok,” Peter said. “Who’s singing next?”

Remus seemed relieved to have an excuse to leave confrontation behind, but Sirius was mad and confused. “I already sang. You already made a fool of youself… What about Lupin?” Sirius suggested wickedly.

Remus immediately shook his head. “Oh no, no way. As you said earlier: I’m not nearly drunk enough.”

“That’s easy to fix,” Peter twisted his entire torso to call Tom. “Bartender!”

“No, wait,” Remus protested. “You have no idea. I’m very good at not getting drunk. Ever.”

“Bullshit,” Sirius teased. “Wanna bet?”

“I don’t have any money,” Remus refused, leaning back in his chair.

“You’ll pay me later,” Sirius insisted. Tom arrived with a pair of Butterbeers only to be commanded back into the bar by Peter. “Drinking contest,” he said.

“You should be warned,” Tom whistled, addressing Remus. “He once beat a semi-giant.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you beat Peter,” Sirius winked.

It took two Butterbeers and three Firewhiskeys for Peter to pass out, drooling all over the tablecloth. Sirius and Remus however, had both drank twice that and where barely lisping.

“Another round?” Sirius offered. “I can see you’re about to fall.”

“Funny,” Remus retailed. “I was going to say the _tame shing_ about you.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “Same thing! Shut up, you idiot,” Remus corrected.

Peter woke up with Sirius’ loud guffaw; he fluttered his eyes drowsily and asked with sleepy voice “Are we leaving now? Have you told him yet?”

Sirius stopped laughing and Remus frowned. “Tell him what?” Remus asked.

“Not you,” Peter slapped Sirius’ arm. “You.”

“You’re drunk. Here, let me take you to the chimney, there’s no way I’m letting you Apparate in this state,” Sirius tossed one of Peter’s arms over his shoulder and headed over the fire behind the bar.

“Shall we call it draws?” Remus asked.

Sirius glanced back at Remus and noticed with nuisance that the man looked very much sober, despite his previous slip with the words. “Yeah. To be continued, right?.”

 Remus chuckled. “Right. I’ll see you Monday, I guess,” he waved.

Sirius nodded, huffing under Peter’s heavy self. “WAIT! He likes you,” Peter shouted with urgency.

“Goodnight Remus,” Sirius interrupted, trying to shut Peter’s mouth.

“I mean, he likes-likes you. For real. Tell him, Padfoot,” Peter insisted. Sirius rushed to the chimney and grabbed a hand full of Floo Powder, tossed it along with Peter in the chimney and shouted his address anxiously. He then took a step inside but turned back as he heard Remus’ voice next to him.

“Is that true?” Remus asked. “Do you… like me?”

Sirius stared at him, moving his mouth up and down, chasing for the right words. “Yeah, yeah,” he nodded. “I mean, as a friend.”

Remus’ face got a little put out, though he did his best to hide it. “Oh, that’s…  well, that’s cool. Friends. You and me.”

“Yeah, friends,” Sirius repeated. “Great.”

“Great,” Remus echoed. “So… good night.”

Sirius bent inside the chimney, mumbling his own address again and jumping inside the green fire. The swirl of colors had barely calmed down when Sirius jumped into the empty living room. He sighed and clenched his fists in the air.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he repeated like a mantra, loud and clear, since no one could hear him. He closed his eyes and strode quickly around the place, slamming against the couches and the center table as he did, but he stopped dead when he heard another steps hitting the wooden floor. Before opening his eyes, he felt his heart pounding faster, as if he already knew what he was going to find.

“I kinda followed you,” Remus explained, hands inside his pockets and shyly looking at the ground. “Sorry.”

Sirius tried to say “It’s ok,” but he found his words drown in Remus’ lips.

 

(34)

Saturday’s early morning should have been the beginning of a long-lasting romance but I warned you that this wasn’t going to be what you were expecting. Truth is that after the kiss, Remus pulled back awkwardly and Apparated elsewhere, alleging that he was too drunk to deal with this. Then they proceeded to avoid each other like the plague on Saturday morning and tacitly agreed on not trying to contact each other in the weekend. Nor settling who kissed who.

And Monday morning arrived to make them miserable. Because of Fate’s wicked sense of humor, they found inside the Gemino Room. Sirius was inside first, making a batch of _Which floor shall I go?_ for the new employees and he thought of leaving after Remus’ arrival, but his Black pride nailed his feet on the ground. Remus avoided his gaze, carefully pinning his eyes to Mrs. Montgomery’s Monday Memos for the Office.

“One, two…” Remus counted under his breath, waving his wand from left to right as an exact duplicate of the original landed in a neat pile. Sirius felt the urge of saying something. “It was fun, the other nigh…” And for the second time in three days, he found Remus kissing him, eager and needy. Except this time, he was kissing him back, lifting him a few inches from the floor. Remus clanged to Sirius’ neck and then he let it go, he picked up his memos and vanished through the door, leaving Sirius alone with an ever-growing pile of _Which floor shall I go?_ and messed up hair.

 

They were back at his flat. Remus was with him, nosing around the kitchen and pointing at everything with a critical eye. Sirius thought it was nice for a change, to have someone who knew what all those muggle things were.

“Nice house you’ve got here, Mr. Black,” Remus noted, sitting on the table.

Sirius was about to reply something, something naughty that made Remus melt, but then someone knocked violently at the door. Sirius whined, “I’ll get it.”

James Potter let himself inside the flat at the very moment Sirius narrowed the door to check who was outside. “You bastard,” he said, striding through the living. “You’re dating a cute bird and I had to hear it from Wormtail?”

“I’m not dating any cute bird,” Sirius retailed.

“Ah, you ain’t tricking me on that,” James scolded. “Peter told me everything. I think after weeks of you getting all gloomy and rosy on our shoulders, I deserve some details.”

Sirius tried to divert his friend’s way to the kitchen. “Prongs, I…”

James leaned over the TV and retrieved some popcorn from Sunday’s (not) movie night. “Have you banged her already?” he asked with his mouth full.

“Dude, no,” Sirius replied, making a disgusted face.

James insisted. “What? Blowjob? Handjob?”

Sirius tried to pretend none of those words sounded like amazing ideas. “What? No, no jobs, don’t be a dick. We just… we just kissed.”

James whined, fetching a handful of popcorn. “Come on man, level me up. I might not know her name, but I swear if you don’t tell me, I’ll spy on you while you wank until you shout it.”

Sirius blushed, partly because it seemed like a possibility and partly because he was one hundred percent sure Remus was hearing all of this in the other room. “How ironic, since that’s how we found out Evans’ name,” he retorted.

Remus emerged from the kitchen, looking amused. James frowned at Sirius.

“Prongs, this is Remus. He works with me and Peter. He’s new in town and I was, uh, showing him around,” Sirius explained quickly.

“Hi,” Remus said, smiling insecurely.

James extended his hand towards him. “Now, you look pretty decent to be hanging out with this piece of shit,” he beamed. “Where were you going anyway? I have a few spare minutes; we can all go grab some beers.”

“Actually…” Sirius tried to find a good excuse to be left alone with Remus when an owl flew through the open window and dropped a note at James’ feet.

“Shit,” he said, reading the note. “Emergency at St. Mungo’s. We’ll have those beers later, ok?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, practically pushing James outside, where he Apparated after a quick “I still want the details,” warning. “Go fuck yourself,” Sirius replied, entering to the flat again. “Sorry for that. Do you wanna go eat something?”

“Of course,” Remus agreed. “Just let me find my wank, I mean, _wand_.”

 

 

(66)

“There you are,” Sirius said, opening the door to let Remus inside. “I was thinking we could go to a gig that’s… what are you…? OH. Mfbeh ‘e cud fptay bhomeh then,” he tried to finish, with Remus’ tongue half way down his throat.

“Don’t you ever shut up?” Remus complained. Sirius was about to reply but Remus slammed the door shut and pushed Sirius against the couch until he fell flat in his back. He began trailing a path of wet kisses across Sirius’ jaw all the way to his ear.

“You know what’s a thing I’ve always wanted to do?”

“I suspect you’re telling me anyway,” Remus replied, biting Sirius’ earlobe.

“Shower sex,” Sirius blurted, fumbling to pull off Remus’ wool sweater.

Remus grasped his fingers between his hands and gave him another sharp bite in the ear. “Whatever, just keep your hands to yourself, all right?”

“Oh, you did not just say that,” Sirius retorted, eyes bright with lust and challenge.

It was his turn to man-handle Remus into the bathroom, nearly tearing the plastic curtain apart in his rush to get them both under the shower. Remus tried to pull Sirius’ leather jacket away but was quickly pushed away with a smirk. “Keep your hands to yourself, would you?”

Remus scoffed. “Oh, piss off.” Next thing Sirius knew, Remus was holding his wrists with such strength that he was pretty sure a few bruises would pop up next morning. This total lack of control over the situation felt strangely weird and, Sirius would never admit it out loud, very arousing. He searched for Remus’ lips, face, skin, anything. But Remus simply pulled away, switching to hold Sirius’ hands in one of his’ and unwinding the worn-out Gryffindor scarf from Sirius’ neck. As soon as the tender flesh of his neck was exposed, Remus bit it, making Sirius squirm and cry out for more. Remus growled, low and dangerous to make him be still and loosely tied Sirius’ hands to his back with the scarf, wrapping the rest of the fabric to the shower’s metallic head. Despite the fact that he was wearing all of his clothes, the moment Remus took a step back to take a look at his work, Sirius felt completely helpless and exposed. And damn, it felt _good_.

“Fuck, Remus _please_.”

Remus’ laugh sounded almost like a bark when he kissed him again, biting his lips, neck, tongue, ears, sniffing the leather of his jacket and licking the hollow space between the bones of Sirius’ clavicle. Sirius lost it when Remus’ long fingers made their way down his cotton shirt and to the belt of his jeans. Then Remus’ hand was in his trunk, unzipping the buttons and sneaking inside the thin fabric of his boxers. He pulled the pants down and kneeled between Sirius’ legs, holding his hips with pale, scarred fingers. And _fuck_ he was breathing in his cock, hot and needy and all Sirius could do was watch, mesmerized by Remus’ tongue running long strokes over the sensitive skin. Biting, nipping and sucking, in ways that Sirius had never been bit, nipped or sucked before. And Merlin, the only reason he was still standing on his feet was because he was tied that way, but his legs felt like soft butter under Remus’ strong, knowing hands and lips.

Sirius’ cock made a bobbing motion when Remus let it go and stood on his feet again. Sirius ached for more and could barely restrain himself from humping Remus’ leg, still fully clothed while Sirius himself had the jeans and underwear pooling around his ankles and the leather boots. “Sirius, I’m gonna fuck you so hard,” Remus whispered against his cheek, making Sirius shake from head to toe. Remus jerked his hips back and fumbled with his own zipper as Sirius viciously licked every inch of skin that he got in reach: neck, lips, eyelids, ears, fingers. Licking became biting when Remus’ cock brushed his own and an adventurous finger made its way up Sirius’ crack. He moaned against Remus’ neck, practically weighing all of his body on him since his legs were no longer supporting him much. “Just… relax,” Remus asked, slipping a second finger and _fu-ck_ a third one that spread him open entirely. Remus moved and Sirius felt as if a lightning had struck him. He jerked back to apply more pressure in the fingers and was very disappointed when Remus pulled them out.

“Just a sec…” Remus breathed in Sirius’ face. He fished in his trousers for his wand and pointed to the bathroom door. A tiny bottle of lube landed neatly in his hand a few seconds later and Sirius felt a pleasant tingle in his stomach when he realized Remus had planned all of this. Had planned to fuck him and tie him and… “Christ, Sirius knock it off I can practically hear you think.”

“Make me,” Sirius teased, nipping roughly at Remus’ neck. Remus growled rather than laughed and stepped on Sirius’ pants to take them off. Sirius was literally hanging from the shower, socks and one boot still on. Remus spread Sirius’ legs open and teased with his balls before wetting his entrance. Sirius hugged Remus’ waist with his legs, feeling like a needy whore. _And enjoying it so bad._ Remus pushed the tip of his cock in Sirius’ ass, tentatively, suddenly restraining himself. “For fuck’s sake, just do it,” Sirius pleaded, his arms burning from the position. Remus didn’t wait any longer and buried himself inside Sirius in one quick movement. Sirius gasped and Remus bit his neck. Sirius’ legs went way up Remus’ torso, driven by the werewolf’s fingers as he paced in an out. Sirius followed Remus’ every move as much as he could, rocking back and forth and trying desperately to loosen up his wrists. Remus noticed and bit him hard in the jaw, leaving a burning sensation behind that made Sirius’ cock leak over Remus’ sweater. “Fuck Remus,” Sirius moaned in the dirtiest voice he could find. It worked. Remus increased his pace, clawing his hands under Sirius’ jacket and t-shirt, leaving red trails of swollen skin behind. Sirius clenched his legs, muttering dirty words in Remus’ ear, sucking, licking, kissing, moaning. Harder. There. Faster. _Please._

And then Remus hit that spot. One spot and everything became a haze of lust and relief for Sirius. It was as if his body no longer belonged to him, as it had a life of its own. Remus felt the wave of Sirius’ orgasm, breathing uneasily as Sirius’ tight muscles shivered over his cock, how Sirius’ come stained the front of his sweater and Sirius’ cotton shirt and _ohgodohgod_ the leather jacket. How Sirius moaned his name like a mantra, tangled in a Gryffindor scarf and Remus’ chest, cheeks red and neck bruised everywhere. “Si-rius,” Remus grunted as he came inside the man.

 

“So, is it true?” James mocked, pointing at Sirius’ neck and wrists.

“Is what true?” Sirius retorted.

“That love bites?”

“Sod off Prongs!” Sirius barked a laugh. “But… if you really want to know, it was the best sex of my life.”

“Oh, gross! Shut up Sirius,” Peter jumped, nearly choking with his food.

“I’m telling you,” he went on. “It was… primal. Like…”

“OH, that’s it,” Peter yelled, covering his ears with his hands as James and Sirius laughed out loud. “OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM, EEE EYE EEE EYE OH!...”

 

 

(91)

“How’s he like?” Lily asked.

“How is who like?”

Lily tousled his hair with the tip of her fingers. “Du-uh. Remus, you derp,” Lily said, tousling Sirius’ hair with her fingers. “Oh, don’t go making a fool of yourself young Mr. Black. James told me everything.”

“I…” Sirius grunted. “He did?”

Lily nodded.

“That bastard.”

“And?”

Sirius tried to find a way out of this and trailed for words. He finally sighed.  “I don’t know. Brown hair, tall?”

“Wow, that’s so specific,” Lily mocked.

Sirius laughed. “I really don’t know what else to say!,” he defended. “I… well, he’s always smiling, but not the nice way, you know? I mean the polite kind of smile. And I hate it. But sometimes, sometimes he smiles differently and it’s so… warm.” Sirius didn’t add that he specially enjoyed when he was the one making him smile like that. When Lily didn’t say anything, he went on, “He has to wear glasses when he reads, and his music taste sucks most of the time. But I like that. I guess I can’t help it, you know?”

Lily didn’t say anything and Sirius turned away. There was something about talking to Evans. She was so… motherly –in a completely different way than Walburga, of course. And Sirius felt that he could tell her this. Take it off his chest. Just this once.

“I… I just… I love how he makes me feel… Like anything’s possible. Like, you know… like life is worth it.” It felt good, Sirius thought, to finally say the words. As if the world’s weight had finally hopped off from his shoulders.

“Have you told him?” Lily asked, really looking at Sirius now. And the world’s weight was back. Sirius laughed and stood up, leaving behind any trail of his previous epiphany behind as well.

“Yeah, I think I should. Anyway, I’m gonna go find Prongs, all right?”

 

 

(283)

“Honey? I think the dog has been petrified,” Sirius said, poking at a marble Pomeranian statue in a shelf.

Remus looked at him vaguely before picking up his basket and leaving.

 

 

(38)

“This muggles are really kind of smart ain’t they?” Sirius pointed out, jumping up and down the escalator’s steps. “I mean, moving stairs _without_ magic? That’s genius!”

Remus smiled and followed the rest of the people to the second floor. “People can hear you,” he mumbled.

“That’s so not true,” Sirius replied. “I believe they’ve been mesmerized to the sight of your majestic ass.”

Remus got the slightest of the blushes on his face when Sirius’ hand brushed said majestic ass. “Come on, the couches are this way,” he leaded.

Sirius got distracted by a small taxidermy section. “Jesus Christ!” he shouted. “Are this alive?”

“Of course not, you tosser,” Remus laughed. “They’re stuffed animals. Some people like to have them in their houses.”

Sirius whistled, poking a small raccoon’s eye. “That’s wicked, dude. But I can see where mom got the whole chopping off house elves’ heads idea.”

“That’s disgusting,” Remus retailed. Sirius shrugged and kept walking only to be amused again by a telescope standing next to a fake window, he leant over to peer through the lenses and turned back to Remus with a frown on his face. “Sweetheart, I think our telescope is broken. I can’t see a damn thing.”

“That’s because it’s not night time yet, darling,” he played along. “Fancy a cup of tea while we wait?”

“I fancy two cups of tea,” Sirius replied, faking a baritone voice.

“Follow me to the kitchen then,” Remus guided. Sirius picked a pipe from a shelf on his way to the other side of the furniture department. Lupin pretended to pour tea on some flowery china cups while Sirius took a seat on one end of a small mahogany table where he pretended to breathe out smoke rings.

Remus put a teacup in front of Sirius and took his to the other end of the table. “Is the tea all right, honey?” he asked.

Sirius took a sip of invisible tea and slammed his hand over the table. “For Merlin’s beard! This is the best tea I’ve ever tasted.”

“Why that’s because it is the best tea ever made,” Remus retailed. Frowning, he fixed his eyes in a corner of the fake kitchen. “Ah, darling, I believe our sphinx has been petrified.”

Sirius followed Remus’ gaze to find a two feet tall stone sphinx. It was really far from what a real sphinx looked like and Sirius fought back a smile. “Oh shit, my mother must’ve come to visit,” he said, making Remus chuckle. “Come on, I race you to the bedroom.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Remus shouted, jolting behind Sirius towards the beds display. Even with his head start, Remus quickly left Black behind and landed swiftly on a huge bed next to a living room display. Sirius crawled slowly next to him, heavy and elegant strands of hair framing his face. He leant over Remus, breathing on his cheek. “Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but…” he began, Remus held his breath. “I think we’re being arrested.” Remus turned to the stairs to discover a couple of muscular staff guys going in their direction, guarding a tiny muggle in a navy blue suit.

“Gentleman,” he said, a manager badge hanging from his jacket. “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave. This is a family business you see.”

“Indeed, and we’re trying to make some family here, you see,” Sirius retailed, making Remus blush all the way up to his brow.

And that’s how they ended up being pushed downstairs by the beefy guards.

“I believe I had a hat!” Sirius shouted as soon as the staff members went back inside the store. Remus cracked with laughter at this and had to hold himself against the wall. “You idiot,” he said, still smiling.

“You sexy motherfucker,” Sirius replied, cupping his face on his hand and planting a soft kiss on his lips. Remus smiled against Sirius’ face and split apart, leaning over the hard concrete wall.

Sirius stared at him for a brief moment before asking, “Is something wrong?”

“Not exactly,” Remus replied, looking away from him. “It’s just… I wanted to let you know that I… am not exactly looking for a serious thing. I have other stuff going on in my life right now.”

Sirius freaked out but years of practice made him push that feeling down, beneath layers and layers of sarcasm and carelessness. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

“All right,” Remus retailed. “Back to your place then?”

Sirius nodded, walking to a small alley so they could Apparate without being seen. Remus held his hand tightly right when the bricks began to turn into a red swirl. Sirius smiled, landing neatly on his bedroom’s floor, contrary to Remus, who tripped with the bed’s border and fell over it.

“Now,” Sirius smiled, tugging his shirt off. “Where were we?”

“Oh, I bet you planned all of this, didn’t you?” Remus laughed.

“Mhm,” Sirius nodded, brushing his lips on Remus’ fingertips.

“You filthy whore,” Remus stated. Sirius chuckled and tried to unbutton Remus’ shirt but he grabbed his hand and tossed it aside. “Shouldn’t you buy me a drink first?” Lupin laughed.

“I’ll get you a fucking pub next time we go out,” Sirius promised. Remus beamed, sliding his long fingers across Sirius’ back, tracing a cold path underneath his clothes, unbuttoning the jeans and zipping Sirius down. “Deal,” Remus whispered hot and fuzzy on Sirius’ cock.

 

 

(39)

“Dude, what’s gotten into you?” Peter said, waving his hand in front of Sirius’ dreamy face.

James swallowed a French fry without chewing it and a wicked grin flickered through his face. “It’s as clear as _Veritaserum_ , Wormtail. He got laid,” he explained.

“Jealous much, Prongs?” Sirius teased.

“Jealous? No way. More like eager for the details,” James retailed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of the songs/artists in this chapter are real, but Regina Phalange is Regina Spketor's alterego as much as Dragon Arthur Pendragon is to Jon Bon Jovi and The Bad Wolves to The Black Keys. _Also there's not enough sub!Sirius out there, so you're welcome._
> 
> AND! Thank you very much to all those people that have been leaving kudos, it really makes me feel like a special snowflake <3


	3. I BELIEVE YOU, LIAR

(300)

If Sirius would’ve kept his eyes fixed in Remus’ former desk for any longer, said desk might’ve caught fire. And the chubby Asian woman along with it. Fortunately for the desk and Mrs. Montgomery’s assistant, Ernie Biggs blocked Sirius’ range of vision when he leant over the desk to shamelessly flirt with her. If Sirius felt in the mood, Ernie wouldn’t have had any chance. But Sirius didn’t feel like flirting. Or breathing. Or living at all.

“Did you get him back yet or what?” Peter asked, glaring at him as if Sirius was about to burst out in tears.

“I’m working on it,” Sirius replied, fighting back a sigh.

Peter’s face went from a little worried to extremely helpless. What kind of advice could he give to someone like Sirius? “Moody’s doing interviews for the Force again,” he tried.

“What.”

“I said that my mom’s doing fondue for dinner again,” he backed out.

“Why do you tell me that?” Sirius replied. Fortunately for Peter, a brown owl chose that moment to fly across the door and drop a small note in Sirius’ desk. He checked the calligraphy and beamed in happiness, suddenly forgetting about the rest of the world. “It’s his,” he announced. Peter stared as Sirius’ eyes ran across the parchment, his hopeful face smudging with every second that passed.

 

_It was good to hear from you._

_I can’t this week but maybe next? I’ve been very busy._

_I hope this means you’re ready to be friends._

_Love,_

_Remus_

 

 

(43)

If there was one thing Sirius was very good at, was moving in silence. Years of hiding from his mother’s frightful _Cruciatus_ and his father’s cold-hearted beatings had raised him that way. Maybe that was the reason he didn’t brag about it so often. This time, however, he was glad of this almost natural talent since it had allowed him to follow Remus Lupin inside the Gemino Room without being seen nor heard; at least, not until he locked the door behind him.

“I want to talk to you,” Sirius demanded firmly.

Remus lifted an eyebrow. “Here?”

“ _Muffliato_. It’s kind of urgent,” Sirius insisted.

Remus didn’t know what that spell was and he had the weird sensation that Sirius had invented it. He wondered if it was dangerous. “Fine,” he nodded. “What do you want to talk about?”

Sirius went straight to the point. “You weren’t here yesterday, nor the day before yesterday. Where did you go?”

“It is none of your business,” Remus replied, a little too rude. This however, did nothing but make Sirius angrier. “Has London become too boring for you?” he asked. But the way he said it implied that he didn’t really mean London.

“My grandmother was sick,” Remus gave in. “I had to go help my mom with some stuff. Are you happy now?”

Sirius grinned, relieved. “For Merlin’s sake, couldn’t you just say it was your sick grandmother from the begging? Is she the Queen or what?”

“Watch your mouth for she might be,” Remus replied, breathing easily when his lie succeeded. “Can I go now? Mrs. Montgomery is waiting for her mail.”

Sirius waved his wand across the room and the door opened with a soft click. “Oi Remus,” he called. Lupin stopped with his hand in the door knob. “Is she better?”

“Who?” Remus realized it was a stupid question to ask the moment it left his mouth. Sirius’ smile was replaced by a pair of arching eyebrows. “My grandmother of course. Sorry, I’ve been a little distracted lately,” Remus rushed. “She’s fine. Mom’s taking care of her now.”

“Good,” Sirius replied. “Tell her I said hi.”

“I will,” Remus nodded and left the room.

Sirius stood there alone for a good five minutes. He was very good at being stealthy, but he was even better at detecting lies and Remus Lupin was lying. He only had to figure out why.

 

 

(54)

“I still don’t get it. What’s the big deal with the nerd glasses?”

Remus sighed, “For the last time, Sirius, it’s not about the glasses, or the high waisted pants. It’s about the brains.”

Sirius frowned at the Betamax cassette on his hands. “I still think he looks like my uncle Cygnus. But if you say he’s good, then he must be good.”

“He’s not just good, he’s God!” Remus stressed.

Sirius let out a crooked smile and pulled Remus behind a shelf. “We’ll take that one,” he said, planting a lazy kiss on Remus’ lips. “But first let’s get a porno.”

 

Remus panted at Sirius’ open mouth as he stumbled against every piece of furniture in his house, struggling to get inside the bedroom. Sirius felt dizzy and drunken with Remus kissing him, touching him, saying _I love you_ into his ear. When they finally made it to the bedroom, Sirius pushed Remus over the bed and jumped over him like a hungry dog. He spread his legs with one knee and left a wet trail of kisses over Remus’ jaw. Remus moaned when Sirius kissed a spot behind his ear and Sirius bit him there when he discovered it made Remus faintly thrust his hips upwards. A hand sliding inside Sirius’ pants told him Remus was tired of him having all the fun. Sirius twisted and panted and breathed uneasily against Remus’ skin. But when Black adventured a hand under Remus’ shirt, he got pushed away. “Shit Remus, _please_ …”

When Remus didn’t give up, Sirius decided to go for a more aggressive tactic. After all, he wasn’t that good with words. Remus whimpered at the heavy weight of a hand over his crotch, fabric felling heavy and painful. “I could do it way better with your clothes off,” Sirius whispered into his ear. Remus bit his lip and Sirius thought it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. “Turn off the lights,” he ordered with harsh voice. So Sirius did.

Even if he couldn’t quite see his face, Sirius could feel Remus trembling against him, hear him gasping for air. Even if Sirius couldn’t see a thing, it was Remus’ legs being tossed over Sirius’ shoulders and it was Remus’ coarse voice saying “Fuck me,” in Sirius’ ear. Shit, even neighbors must have noticed the headboard slamming against the wall, pacing Remus’ moans as Sirius fucked him between wet kisses and heavy breathing. They must have heard when Remus melted around Sirius, howling loud and savage. Sirius wished lights were on so he could see his own fingers turning white on the tips from clenching Remus’ hips through his own orgasm.

He did reach for the light once they were both laying side to side, trying to breath steady. But Remus stopped him, pulling Sirius’ body inside his long arms, “Don’t.”

“Don’t you wanna get cleaned?” Sirius asked, even if he felt his own body lazy and numb.

“Later,” Remus replied, pulling him closer. And later it was.

 

 

(108)

“Are we there yet?” Remus asked, struggling to get Sirius’ fingers off his eyes.

“Just a second,” Sirius guided. “There.”

Remus blinked a couple of times to get used to the light again. When he did, the only thing he could see in front of him was grass, an old elm and “It’s just a park bench,” he stated.

Sirius made an offended noise and Remus couldn’t tell if it was for real or just one of his usual exaggerations. “How dare you Remus John Lupin? This is not just _a park bench_! Sit there you idiotic git.”

Remus did and this time, he looked around. It really was a park bench, but it was the only one within at least a five meter radius. Behind him, the elm casted its old shadow over his face but his long feet tangled on small sun threads. It was cleverly positioned at the very top of the hill and Remus had an astounding view of the city and —maybe because of his werewolf ear, he could even hear all kind of sounds, voices and music coming from it.

“Do you like it?” Sirius asked, sitting next to him.

“I love it,” Remus beamed. “What is this place?”

Sirius shrugged, but Remus could feel that his next words were more important than what he wanted him to believe. “I found it when I was a kid. I used to come here to think, and… just so I could be alone, you know?”

Remus took Sirius’ hand between his. Remus knew. Sometimes your life’s weight seemed too much to keep it over your shoulders.

“It’s my favorite place in the world,” Sirius whispered, almost as if it was a crime to have a favorite place.

Remus leant his head on Sirius’ shoulder. People didn’t usually trust him with important or significant details of their lives —not many people were willing to open their souls to a cursed beast anyway. “Do you want to come to my place?” Remus asked.

It was the first time he had offered to share his hideaway, but it was only fair.

 

Sirius had always considered himself a free spirit. He abandoned his family house without almost any regrets and he had a flying motorcycle that could take him anywhere in the world if he wanted to, for Merlin’s sake. But that Friday afternoon, he realized he wasn’t a free soul at all. Remus was. And it was not as romantic as everyone else pictured it.

Because even if Lupin had been living in London for nearly three months now, there still were unpacked boxes here and there and the only things Remus had taken out were just basics: a tablecloth in the kitchen, a set of cheap teacups, old jackets and a scruffy pair of brown slippers. There were also weird souvenirs over the chimney and the tea table: a wooden piano sculpture, a moving replica of the Thames, unsettling paintings by unknown muggle painters, a black top hat, a creepy voodoo doll and a rusty cauldron. It all resembled more to a nest than to a house.

“Do you want to come into the bedroom?” Remus asked, looking dubious. Sirius nodded, fearing he might regret inviting him.

As soon as Remus opened the bedroom’s door, Sirius decided he loved it. It was similar to the rest of the house, but it smelt like Remus, and despite its emptiness, it felt like Remus. The only furniture was a plain steel bed with plain white blankets and a carved wardrobe that seemed to be the only expensive thing in the entire house. The room however was full with books: old books, new books, books piled in towers higher than the floor lamp, unread books marked with parchment and quills, open books sprawled over the bed —Sirius guessed with a grin that the wardrobe was also full with books instead of clothes. Finally, tangled in the bedhead it was Sirius’ red and gold scarf. Remus blushed when he noticed, “I found it yesterday. I didn’t even know I had it,” Remus explained, taking it between his thin fingers.

Sirius wrapped the scarf on Remus’ neck and it was so long that after two twists it still brushed the floor. “Keep it, as a trophy” he winked. Remus smiled.

 

Sirius couldn’t understand why Remus considered his house a sacred place, even if it was more a nest than a house. Still, he was glad that he had opened the door for him. He loved the silences in Remus’ sacred nest and he loved Remus’ narrow bed because they had to squeeze to fit inside. He loved how easy it was to say the silliest fears without feeling silly and he loved how Remus asked absurd questions about him.

“No. I’ve never been in a tornado,” Remus replied and elbowed Sirius’ chest. “It’s your turn to ask,” he pushed.

“Can I stay here tonight?” he asked.

Remus kept silent a split second and then he said “Why yes you can, but that wasn’t a proper question.”

“All right, um…  what’s your worst fear?” Sirius inquired again, maybe he had gone too far, but he was eager to drink as much of Remus as he could.

“Vampires,” Remus replied, smiling.

“Come on! I’m serious.”

“And I’m Remus, nice to meet you,” Remus chuckled and Sirius couldn’t fight back his own laugher. They laughed so hard and for so long that they forgot what they were laughing about in the first place. Remus almost fell from the bed and Sirius pushed him closer.

“You know,” Remus said, absently tracing circles on Sirius’ chest. “When I was a little child we lived in a country house. It wasn’t too big but it had huge windows. My mom loved to sit in the backyard and stare at the woods when dad wasn’t home. She used to tell me stories…”

“Muggle fairytales?” Sirius interrupted.

Remus didn’t look at him but he chuckled and Sirius felt that laugh vibrate through his own skin. “No. She was a muggle, yes, but she told me stories about dad, about my grandparents… they were nice stories. My great-great grandfather killed a bear in those same woods,” Remus stopped then and took a deep breath. “When I couldn’t sleep I would stare at the woods from my window. I was afraid that a bear could somehow come inside the house and kill my parents while I was sleeping, so I didn’t sleep some nights, keeping them safe…” Remus laughed coldly, as if trying to brush away the sudden shiver running through his spine. “I was just a kid. So… naïve.”

Sirius couldn’t find any words for a while and when he did, he realized he didn’t want to break the silence for it was as sacred as Remus’ house and Remus’ fear. Instead, he held Remus’ hand tight between his and wondered if anyone had heard this story before.

As if Remus had been reading his mind, he said “I’ve never told anybody about that.”

 

 

(109)

“But he does, right? He, you know, swings for your team?” James attacked.

Sirius didn’t know what to answer. He blamed it on the St. Mungo’s aseptic environment. Like, even their cafeteria smelt like medicine —it felt like some kind of torture. So he took the easy way out. “I don’t know yet.”

“Are you his boyfriend?” he asked.

Sirius decided not to look him on the eye. “It’s not that simple. It’s…”

Peter came back from the counter with an ice cream bowl. “What’s not that simple?”

“I want to know if Sirius’ crush is his boyfriend or just a one night stand,” James replied.

“Oh,” Peter sat next to James and licked the spoon. “And what’s the hard part then? Padfoot loves to brag.”

“I know!” James agreed. “It’s not even a hard question. Look: Pete, are you straight and do you have a girlfriend?”

Peter cleared his throat and replied in a silly pompous tone “Why, that’s two questions dear Prongs. But for the sake of our endless friendship I’ll try to respond both right away. Yes indeed, I am straight. And, no I don’t have a girlfriend. In fact, I’m starting to believe girls find offensive my very existence. But do tell me, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Astoundingly I do. Her name’s Lily and we’re getting married,” James replied. “See Pads? It’s not a hard question.”

Sirius sipped at his pumpkin juice. “Well it’s not hard if you’ve had the same girlfriend since sixth grade.”

“And you’ve been seeing this dude for what… Two months? Three months?” James pointed out. “You’ve got to talk to him.”

“I’m not discussing this with you guys,” Sirius said blatantly. “I’m not having any kind of ‘talk’ with Remus because I know what I feel and he knows what he feels and we’re not doing labels.”

James’ made a coughing sound and tried to swallow the piece of carrot stuck in his throat. Sirius thought he deserved it.

“You sound gay,” Peter said, taking advantage of the sudden silence.

“Yeah, you really do,” James agreed once he un-choked.

“Maybe because I am? Morons,” Sirius replied.

 

 

(116)

Sirius waved at Regulus before taking a seat in one of the higher rows. It took his little brother less than a minute to stop the training session and fly his broom in his direction.

“What’s up?” he asked, dismounting neatly next to him.

Sirius shrugged. “Not much.”

Regulus gave him a side look. “What’s wrong? Is it Remus again?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Sirius gave up. “James won’t understand and Pete won’t understand. Even Evans won’t understand! Long story short, I’m here because I didn’t have anyone else.”

“Now, that’s what I wanted to hear,” Regulus replied. “Do you mind telling me more about me being your last choice?”

“Come on, you were my parent’s last choice, Lorna Mathews’ last choice… you must’ve seen a pattern somewhere,” Sirius beamed. “And, do you have an extra broom or what?”

Regulus elbowed his brother’s ribs. “Come along young grasshopper,” he said, calling a broom from the supplies room. Sirius jumped on it quicker than you can say _Accio_.

“Oh, and Sirius?” Regulus called, once there were a few meters between them. “Do you still think you’d be Lorna’s first choice if she knew about your filthy deviations?”

“Your nose is the only deviated thing in our family!” Sirius shouted back, laughing.

 

 

(117)

“Are you ok?” Remus asked.

From where Sirius was sitting he could only see half of his face but he seemed honest. “Yeah. Perfect.” he replied.

“Sure?”

The tube stopped and the old woman sitting in the seat next to theirs got off. Sirius took a deep breath. “I just… I gotta ask you something.”

Remus closed the book he had been reading and stuck it inside his messenger bag. “What is it?”

The moment Remus looked at him, Sirius forgot his speech —he even considered changing the subject and leaving the things as they were. But he was a Black, goddamit, he wasn’t going to back away like that. “What are you?”

“What kind of question is that?” Remus replied, looking confused.

“Did you like men before me? Or am I just some kind of experiment?” Sirius asked straightforwardly.

Remus seemed put-out for a second. But he recovered quite quickly “Did _you_ like men before me?”

“No, but… Forget it, that’s not the point… I just… I just need to know where are we going, all right?”

“I thought we were going to the library. Movie night, remember?” Remus replied.

“You know what I mean,” Sirius blurted.

Remus shrugged, calmly, as if he wasn’t as nervous as Sirius for having this conversation. “I don’t know. But who cares? I’m happy, aren’t you happy?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m happy,” Sirius replied, except he wasn’t happy. He felt anger rising in his stomach. He was angry because Remus couldn’t care less and he was angry because his palms wouldn’t stop sweating.

“Good,” Remus smiled.

“Good,” Sirius replied.

Remus leant his head on Sirius’ shoulder and the man’s anger came back from where it had come from. Remus was right, they were young, they were happy and they were going to see a stupid French movie. Who cares about labels?

 

 

(249)

Throughout the years, Sirius had learnt that girls were more likely to have sex after the first date if they felt understood and there was no way to make a bird feel understood than taking her to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. This was one of the reasons he was glad Remus wasn’t a girl: the Three Broomsticks was more than ok for him. When he mentioned this fact out loud however, Remus shrugged and let his eyes wander across the wall. Sirius tried to change the subject, with abrupt results.

“Say, have you read The Prophet lately? I don’t understand why is the Ministry so interested on developing those hybridization potions,” he said. “It’s just sick, if you ask me. ‘The strength of a werewolf, the speed of a vampire… It’s like… have they’ve forgotten those are curses, not super-magical powers, or what?”

Remus shrugged. “Some people don’t think that way.”

Sirius shook his head. “I think they should focus on keeping them from hurting someone else. Or themselves. Merlin knows that’s the right thing to do. Stupid Unspeakables.”

“They are science men,” Remus replied stoically.

“Well, yeah. You’re smarter than them,” Sirius amended.

Remus arched his eyebrows. “I was thinking about taking one of those potions,” he said, challenging.

“No,” Sirius said, maybe a little too fast. “You don’t need any of that.”

Remus grinned wryly. Sirius regretted reacting so hauntingly fast and looked for the words to explain Remus that he would love him even if he decided to switch bodies with Dumbledore, but another man chose that moment to approach drowsily to their table. “Hey,” he said, staring at Remus. “How’s it going?”

“Okay, thanks,” Remus replied, deliberately not looking at him. Sirius nailed his gaze on the guy, as if he could make him vanish with the mere strength of his will.

“Are you with this guy?” the man asked, staring back at Sirius.

“Hi I’m Sirius. It’s not my pleasure to meet you, jerk,” Sirius replied. “Can you leave us alone now?”

The guy drank what was left in his glass and continued, pointing at Remus. “You know, they shouldn’t let people like you inside nice places like this.”

Remus didn’t reply anything. Sirius did. “Don’t worry, if you keep drinking like that you’ll black out very soon and won’t see us anymore.”

“Ain’t you Sirius Black?” the man said. “What would your mommy do if she knew you’re hanging out with _this_?”

Sirius let out a cold laugh. Next thing the guy saw was a fist slamming to his face and making bones crunch beneath sweaty skin. “SIRIUS, DON’T,” Remus called, but it was a little late for warnings. The man punched back and Sirius pushed him into the ground, where they began rolling, biting and scratching each other. After a few tables knocked to the ground and a bunch of over-enthusiastic costumers kicking Sirius and the man as they rolled next to them, Rosmerta (honoring the pub’s name) tried to split them apart using a broomstick.

Remus cursed behind his breath and conjured a shield spell that made both man jump to opposite sides of the room. “I’m so sorry,” Remus mumbled as he passed next to Rosmerta on his way out. Sirius jogged behind him a few blocks and when he finally got a grip to his elbow, Remus Apparated inside his own house. Sirius landed in all four, staining the carpet with nose blood. Remus picked him up with a violent pull and Sirius pressed his hand to his nose to prevent any more bleeding.

It took a few strides from Remus to reach the fridge and toss him a plastic bag filled with ice. Sirius caught it and laughed. “What?” he called. “It was fun!”

Remus stood in the middle of the kitchen with his lips pursed together. Sirius didn’t let himself down and continued. “Did you saw the look in his face? He must’ve thought I was going to challenge him for a duel or something but BANG he got a punch straight to his face. Fuck, I’ve forgot how fun it was, there’s been some time since I… All-right What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Remus breathed. He frowned and added, “I can’t believe you.”

“What?” Sirius jumped. “Wait. Are you mad at me? I just got my ass kicked for you.”

“Oh really?” Remus pushed. “Was that for me? Because it felt as if it was for you and your stupid ego.”

Sirius stumbled on his words. “It wasn’t… I didn’t… That idiot was saying awful things!”

“You were saying awful things as well. Did I punch you in the face for that? No,” Remus replied, tossing his wand over the coffee table mess.

“I knew you were upset,” Sirius replied. “And it’s me the one who can’t believe you. It was very easy to just open your mouth and say ‘Sirius, I don’t agree with your bullshit’ and I would have shut my mouth right there.”

“Please! As if you ever shut up,” Remus roared. “The only person you listen to is yourself, you… selfish bastard!”

“Am I now? It’s you the one that’s completely obtuse!” Sirius barked. “You walk around pretending you’re the best employee anyone could want, the best son, the best everything. But you’re just as selfish as me. Shit, you can’t even admit you love me because that’ll be committing and I bet you have never committed to anything in your life. You just _love_ to be free to flee whenever you’re bored and a bond like that doesn’t break easily.”

“You don’t know me at all,” Remus retailed.

“How am I supposed to get to know you if you don’t let me?” Sirius shouted. “You keep building this stupid walls around you. And every time I try to tear one you go ‘turn the lights off’.”

Remus slammed his hands in the air. “So it’s suddenly all about me? About me building walls to protect myself? Well, you know what? Fuck off Sirius! You knew how this was from the moment we started. I told you that it wasn’t going to work but you insisted and insisted because you behave like a fucking brat who always gets what he wants.”

“All right! How come I am the childish one? Because as far as I remember, every time we have a problem it’s you and not me the one who comes up with the _‘AMAZING’_ idea of breaking up. Instead of you know, TALKING LIKE EVERY OTHER COUPLE IN THE FRICKING WORLD. So who’s the brat now?”

Remus’ face twitched. “Fine! You want to talk about _‘it’_. You want to pretend that you don’t know. That you don’t know why was that man saying those awful things. That you don’t already know why I deserve each of them. That you don’t know why I’m ashamed of my _very skin_. WELL! LET’S TALK!” Remus roared. Sirius didn’t notice he had been stepping back until he hit the wall with his back. “Do you want to know why do I have to take muggle jobs? Do you want to know why I can’t afford to bond with anybody?”

For Sirius’ surprise, Remus was stripping down his sweater, then unbuttoning his shirt and kicking away his pants. He wasn’t driven by any sexual urge, but a raw rage, that made him twitch and growl. Something so strong that made Remus, a boney pale man in underwear, look far more threatening than any grown up man in underwear should be. Sirius’ gaze got stuck in Remus’ deep scars, breaking the soft white of his skin. Some of them were new, pink in the edges but most of them were old and powerful.

“There you go. Lights are on and I’m here… Look at me while I’m talking to you, goddammit!” Remus called. Sirius shivered. Remus’ eyes were as yellow as burning gold, almost animalistic. “And? Have you figured it out yet?” Remus asked.

Sirius was not stupid. He had figured it out a long time ago. But he chose to ignore it. Thinking about the word ‘werewolf’, even saying the word out loud was not the same as labeling the person in front of him as one. This was not a game anymore, this was real. Sirius hadn’t been so afraid, so grossed out and so confused since he was sixteen, running away from Them.

It was this realization the one that made him settle his mind. This felt like The Black Mansion again. And just as he did back then, he cooled his mind, lied to himself, numbed whatever he was feeling and raised his chin high up. “You might want to lower your voice down. Otherwise neighbors could hear you _howl_.”

Remus’ eyes lit with a vicious wrath. “This is it? You begged for me to break down my… everything just so you could mock of me? Well, that ain’t gonna happen. Because I’ve had enough of people like you, hedonist pieces of shit. You try to blame it all on me but guess what? I didn’t chose to become this! But you… you are a big, spoiled brat on your own.”

Remus’ words stung like nails under Sirius’ skin. “I don’t want to see you near me or my friends anymore. You… beast,” Sirius said, poison bathing each word.

And just as quick as it begun, Remus’ rage turned to hurt and embarrassment. Remus was still standing in front of him, hands no longer clenched in fists, naked and boneless. Sirius took advantage of this and pushed him away, fleeing to the exit door before his lips could say what they were longing to.

_When are you going to trust me?_

 

Sirius landed on all four, _like a dog._ When he pushed himself up with the hard brick wall he felt something stuck in his chest and thought he was going to puke. What left his mouth instead was a short whimper. He wasn’t going to cry, he was going to force all the tears back with Firewhiskey and a quick snog.

Except that after he took the first swig of Firewhiskey, his will to leave the flat abandoned him. Angry tears did drip their way down his cheeks as he shot several spells in every direction. Burning furniture and crashing dishes, books, LP’s and…

“Who is it?!” he yelled, straddling furiously through the stairs and opening the downstairs door with a violent pull. “Remus?”

Remus looked down. “I… I just wanted to give this back,” he said, reaching Sirius’ old Gryffindor scarf.

Sirius pushed Remus’ hand back. “It was a gift.”

“There’s something else. I… I shouldn’t have said all those things before. I’m very, very…”

“Don’t. I… don’t want to hear it. You were right. I’m the one who should…” Sirius trailed. “You need to understand. Sometimes it feels as if you were drifting away. And I don’t want to lose you.”

Remus’ lips tugged in a crooked smile. “You can’t own people, Sirius,” he mumbled, laying a soft kiss in his lips.

_You own me._

“Do you want to come upstairs?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I love each of you for leaving kudos, bookmarking or just reading. Hugs to all of you, beautiful humans!


	4. MOONY

(400)

_Dear Remus_

_I just thought you would like to know that I’m banging women again. And that I don’t really want to see you face again. I think you’re an ambiguous piece of shit and if it wasn’t because of you I would probably be an auror by now. But turns out you made a mess with me when you decided to leave. And I’m not sure if I can ever forgive you for that._

_And you don’t have an idea of how eager I’m to be over you. Because the truth is, I don’t hate you as much as I would like to. And it’s not your fault that I was stupid enough to fall for you._

_Sirius_

 

He wasn’t going to send it, of course. But it was February, every street had red and pink paper hearts, he had gotten an invitation for Frank and Alice’s wedding in the mail this morning and writing this made him feel better. All he wanted to do was write this same letter over and over again and feed a fire with its words.

 

 

(250)

“I know you’re not going to tell me whether you’re straight or not but,” Sirius said. “Could you at least tell me how many relationships have you had?”

Remus sat properly on the bed. Sun rays tangled around his face and hair. “Oh, you don’t want to go there.”

“Come on! I’ll tell you mine,” Sirius almost begged.

“Well, it’s not as if it was a secret. I bet I could go and ask either Peter or James and they would tell me everything about your past love life and a few embarrassing anecdotes,” Remus replied, pulling one of his legs closer to his chest. “But if you really want to know…” Sirius nodded. “Fine. But I warn you, it’s not a very long list.”

“I can share you some of my list,” Sirius offered.

Remus chuckled. “Good. Let’s see… There was my teenage sweetheart, Gemma Smith; she was our neighbor, and we just kissed and held hands. Then there was August Healey, he was a muggle journalist. And finally Edmund Schott, his father was a werewolf. It didn’t work out.”

“So tell me… Do you only date people with smart names?”

“Until now,” Remus beamed. “Well, your turn.”

Sirius took a deep breath. “Do you really want me to tell you about all the girls I’ve dated? Because we could be here until sunset.”

Remus gave him a gentle kick. “Don’t be stupid. Tell me about the ones that lasted more than one night.”

“Does it count if there were two different nights?”

 

 

(166)

“Are you dressed?” Peter asked after knocking three times in Sirius’ bedroom door.

“It’s not as if you haven’t seen me naked before Wormtail.”

“I’ve seen _you_ , but I still have some respect for Remus,” Peter replied.

Remus chuckled. “Yes, we are dressed,” he said.

Peter opened the door and peered his head inside. “Great. James and I are gonna go eating out. Do you guys want to join us?”

Sirius exchanged a look with Remus before responding. “Is Evans coming?”

“She’s got the night shift. It’s just us.”

“Guys night then,” Sirius smiled. “I needed one of those.”

“We’ll be waiting outside then,” Peter said. “And Sirius? It was going to be a guy’s night but now you’re coming along so I’m not sure how are we supposed to call it”

Sirius tossed a shoe on Peter’s direction. “Sod off, Stinky Pete!”

 

Despite of Peter’s joke, the evening went on as their usual guy’s night, with the obvious addition of Remus to the gang. Muggle downtown and sushi for the evening was something Sirius had been eager to show Remus since they met, and now he was ecstatic. After a few Sakes, James even suggested to honor their guest with the Marauder entitlement.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Peter agreed.

“You’re gonna need a nickname, then,” James pointed out, giving Sirius’ consent for granted. “We need something that goes along with ours.”

“It’s gotta be a good one,” Peter replied. “A better one than mine, at least.”

“They used to call him Anal Boy in muggle school,” Sirius snorted. “There can’t be anything worse than that.”

Remus went red in the face. “It’s because I was very neat and organized,” he clarified.

James and Peter laughed and Remus step on Sirius’ foot beneath the table. Sirius beamed beatifically at him.

“What about… Rookie?” Peter suggested.

“Why Rookie?”

“I don’t know. It begins with an R and also Remus is kind of a rookie, ain’t he?”

Sirius laughed. “That’s an awful nickname, Pete.”

“What do your nicknames mean?” Remus cut in the conversation.

James sighed dramatically and leant over the table. “All right, you’re about to be part of a secret almost anyone has ever got the pleasure of…”

“Don’t be stupid. Your girlfriend knows,” Sirius cut off. “Peter’s parents know. Remus knows about mine. I’d be surprised if Rita Skeeter didn’t know.”

James rolled his eyes. “All right then, you tell him.”

Sirius sipped at his Sake wine before telling the story. “Well, Prongs is related to a very ugly episode of James’ life in which his very beloved girlfriend cheated on him with a ball of sebum called Severus Snape,” he began and James went red in the face.

Remus laughed so loud that he almost choked in his own saliva. “Severus Snape? Really?”

“She only kissed him because of pity!” James shouted.

“Do you know him?” Peter asked.

“Of course I do! The guy’s an idiot; it was because of him that I lost my teaching vacancy at Hogwarts!”

“You don’t say!” James and Peter replied in unison.

“You didn’t tell me about that,” Sirius frowned.

Remus stopped laughing and stared intently at his thumbs over the table. “It’s a silly story actually. A lot of bureaucracy; you wouldn’t like it.”

Sirius shook his head and bit his upper lip. All of sudden, the air was tight and cold. James and Peter exchanged a worried glance as Sirius leaned towards Remus. “I want to know,” he insisted.

Remus locked gazes with Sirius and, for a fraction of a second, something violent and savage shone inside his pupils. But then the brown overtook the golden and Remus sighed. “After Dumbledore hires someone new, all of the professors must agree with the new… element. Severus didn’t and that was the end of my teaching career. Told you it was boring.”

“We would’ve played more pranks on him if we had known, right James?” Peter shared with a soft laugh. James nodded and Sirius backed away quickly and smiled past his previous state.

“Don’t you wanna know about Pete’s nickname, though?” James contributed.

Sirius interrupted with a wave in Peter’s direction. “Of course that doesn’t need and explanation. Just let Remus spare him a quick glance and he’ll know.”

All of them, Peter included, laughed in amusement and they laughed even more when Peter blushed with a violent shade of red and tried to hide his face behind his hands, giving him a mouse-like appearance.

“But…” James cut in, brushing laughter tears from the corners of his eyes. “But you should know the truth about Sirius’ nickname.”

“He told me it was because he was very loyal,” Remus replied, unsure.

James and Peter cracked in laughter. “He did!” James burst. “Truth is, my dear Lupin, that we nicknamed him like that because…”

“Don’t you dare!” Sirius jumped, covering James’ mouth with one hand. James bit him and Sirius released him briefly. “In fourth grade he had a sixth grade Ravenclaw for a girlfriend and he used to walk her to every class carrying her books,” James rushed.

Peter laughed so hard at Sirius’ frowny face that he almost peed himself. Remus couldn’t help but smile: it was really hard to imagine Sirius jumping behind an older girl like a common domestic dog. Once the laughter calmed down, James insisted, “We still don’t have a nickname for our honorary marauder.”

Sirius bit his upper lip before suggesting. “Well, wasn’t your father’s name Lyall?”

Remus frowned. “Yeah, so what?”

“I mean, Lyall Lupin,” he explained and James’ eyes shone with the realization of his friend’s joke. “You’re literally Moon Moon’s son, for Merlin’s sake! So… Moony Moony?”

The trio burst in loud guffaws as Remus tried not to laugh but eventually gave up. “Sod off, _Padfoot_ ,” he said, giving Sirius a push in the shoulder.

 

 

(280)

“Hey. Are you there? We missed you at work today, and yesterday… And you missed Frank and Alice’s engagement party. Remus?” Sirius stopped.

The apartment was empty. No one in the living room, no one in the kitchen and no one in the bedroom. For a split second, Sirius felt a cold hand twisting his insides. What if Remus was gone? But no. Everything was still there: the quirky souvenirs in the living, the books sprawled over the neatly folded bed and the mahogany wardrobe. Maybe Remus hadn’t been home in a few days, but he wasn’t gone. _Yet_.

Sirius shrugged past his anxiety and dug around the books until he found a quill and a piece of parchment. After leaving the plate with chocolate cake over the bed, he leant over the wall to scribble a note _(You traitor. Have some cake. —S)_ and just as he was placing it next to the plate, a chill wind blew it away.

“Fuck,” Sirius picked the note and walked to the window to close it. Except that the window was already closed and the chill wave of wind revolved his hair when he walked past the mahogany wardrobe. “What the…?”

One of the wardrobe’s doors was cracked open. This was enough invitation for Sirius, who snuck his head first and then the rest of him inside the wardrobe. It was completely empty and dark and, when Sirius shut the door behind him, he felt an unpleasant tingling and next thing he knew, he was inside a different wardrobe, a small white pine one that smelt like old clothes and termites.

Sirius opened the door and the wooden floor of the room creaked in agony when Sirius stepped outside. He was in a dusty room, with all windows blinded and most of the furniture in different states of wreckage. Sirius casted light in his wand and gave it a deeper glance: a queen size bed turned upside down, chairs, scattered clothes and red rotten curtains hanging loosely from twisted metal bars. And the door, a few steps to his right.

“Remus?” Sirius dared to call. The outside had much more light and Sirius was able to see the narrow hall he was stepping in, all handrails tore down and scratch marks across every wall. “Remus, are you hurt?” Sirius called again.

No one responded. Sirius switched his wand off and walked across the hall, opened another door just to find a bedroom in such pity state as the one he was in before. Stairs at the end of the hall leaded to the attic and to a first floor. Sirius chose the latter.

“Moony it’s me. You don’t have to hide,” he said. The stairs creaked with every step Sirius gave.

No one in the first floor. Some of the missing parts of the handrail here and broken couches puking their dusty insides there. It all looked as if someone had beaten them off.

“All right, I didn’t want to do this, but you forced me to,” Sirius warned. “ _Homenum Revelio_.”

“Sirius, go away,” replied Remus’ muffled voice. Though it was too late, since Sirius could already see a gleaming shape curled in the attic.

“Yeah, right,” Sirius snorted, climbing the two sets of stairs with cat-like agility.

If the rest of the house was a mess, the attic was much worse. Dust clanged to every surface and the fact that Remus had apparently barricaded himself inside didn’t help with the mess. Sirius levitated a bunch of boxes out of his way and casted a Wand-Lighting Charm again.

“I can’t see anything. Where are you?”

Remus didn’t respond at first, but then he sighed and stated. “I’m fine. Please leave.”

“You don’t sound ok,” Sirius replied. He was guiding his way through the cluttered attic to Remus’ voice.

“C-Could you at least t-turn that off?”

Sirius tripped with something metallic and the wand rolled over the floor, the light tilting as his owner grew farther. When it finally crashed against the wall, Sirius saw a faint trail of blood and mud scattered in the floor. He stood up to retrieve his wand and as his feet untangled from the chains, they chimed like chipper bells.

“Oh Merlin, what did you do?” Sirius called.

Remus tried to run away silently but tripped in his own barricade, making so much noise that it didn’t take too long for Sirius to spot him.

“GO.AWAY.SIRIUS!” Remus yelled and all of sudden, Sirius felt his body pushed back by an invisible wall.

“I SAID NO,” Sirius replied. One wave of his wrist and a sleek tongue of green fire slammed against the wall. Remus’ shield burnt from the edges to the center with impressive speed. Remus himself was laying a few steps in front of Sirius, cornered against the wall and a cheap desk. He was naked and tangled in bloody bandages and dirty hair. Old scars gleamed bright in Sirius’ _Lumos_ but what made him stop were the ugly burning marks in his fingers. “Oh shit,” he fell on his knees, closer to Remus. “Moony, I’m so… I… It was the only way I…”

“This was a mistake,” Remus cut in. He stared at his own hands, red from the green fire and marked with a thick bloody line in each wrist. Sirius wondered if he had done those too. He didn’t know what to say. “Go wait outside.”

Sirius obeyed because of pure guilt churning his insides. Remus’ voice echoed all the way downstairs and across the backyard’s (also broken) door. He hadn’t even looked at him.

Outside the air was cold and it was darker than it was back in London —the sun was an hour or so from setting behind a pine forest to his left. Sirius found an abandoned tin hanging bench supported by tree and sat there. It didn’t take much for Remus to walk outside as well, cracking dry leaves from the floor as he did. He was wearing an old pair of running pants and a bulky brown sweater that didn’t do much to hide the wide collar scar in his neck.

“They healed,” Remus said, presenting his palms. It was true, the skin was still pinkish but it looked much better.

Sirius didn’t know what to say. He opted for a dry, “I’m glad,” and practically regretted it the moment it left his mouth.

Remus nodded and sat next to Sirius. The bench creaked dangerously but it didn’t fell. “Why are you here, Sirius?”

“People at work were worried,” Sirius lied. “They don’t know about… well, your thing. But I said I could come over. See if you needed some help.”

“Well, I don’t,” Remus replied. “And ‘my thing’ doesn’t need to become yours just because you know.”

Sirius stared at Remus’ long fingers as they picked on a loose thread in the sweater. He wondered why he wasn’t able to tell him all the pain he must have been feeling. What was he so afraid that forced him to chain himself in a dirty attic in the middle of nowhere. “Who’s house is this anyway?”

Remus stopped picking on his sweater and looked at him with a sad smile. “My parents’. You’re looking at the woods I talked you about.”

The sun was already hiding behind the pine trees and Sirius found the forest thicker and darker than earlier. Leaves rustled with the wind making loud noises. Remus must have sat in this bench some of those nights, when he tried to keep his parents safe from all harm at night. “There are no bears in there,” Sirius stated.

Remus nodded. “You should leave now. You can tell them that I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“I want to stay,” Sirius replied, pressing Remus’ neck scar with the tip of his fingers. “I want to _help.”_

“You can’t,” Remus assessed, patting away Sirius’ hand from him.

 

(314)

Peter read somewhere that when some people hit rock bottom, they started dating everything that moved and drank a lot. Since Sirius had always been kind of a male slut and a bit of a drunk before, it made perfect sense to him that his friend’s response at Remus’ breakup was folding into himself. It was bearable the first days but, after the second week, Peter thought it was time to ask James for help.

Sirius had abandoned all subtlety and was no longer shaving or, apparently, taking any showers. He spent days inside his flat, listening to old music or watching muggle TV. One Sunday he came across a poster announcing a late night Manhattan projection at the local library and it was the only time he actually left the house to do something. Though, he spent the first half remembering the good times with Remus and singing along so loud that he received several warnings from the staff. After the second half, euphoria abandoned him and everyone wondered if it was less creepy to hear him sing instead of muttering curses under his breath. Sirius simply wondered if maybe Remus had picked his twisted idea of love from Woody Allen movies. Eventually, he also wondered if Remus had already seen this specific movie, with whom and if he had enjoyed it as much as movie nights with him.

And since he couldn’t quite grasp all the muggle details without Remus to hand him a clue on middle class life, his mind diverted in his own version where James was Yale and he cheated on Lily and then Sirius himself got caught in Meryl Streep’s lesbian charms.

Sirius ended up with a weird sequence in which Meryl confessed to be a werewolf and Sirius begged her to stop using the chains. Meryl said “You can’t save everyone, Sirius,” in Remus’ voice and Sirius replied that he didn’t want to save everyone, just _her_. He woke up choking in his own breath when Meryl buried her cold palm inside his chest and proceeded to rip his heart off.

The teather was empty now, the screen black and the lights on. As Sirius stood up his memory brought him Remus’ broken confession: _“This was a mistake.”_

 

(320)

It was a Monday when Sirius had a real breakdown against lift jingles and it hadn’t been pretty. People quickly learnt that, unless they wanted to be shouted at, they shouldn’t, under any circumstance, cross words (or paths) with him. And if it was absolutely necessary to do so, they approached with the quiet, fearful steps of a wounded prey.

Kim’s (Mrs. Montgomery’s new assistant) hands were even shaking when she reached Sirius’ desk. “Um… Mister Black?” she called. “I’m sorry but Mrs. Montgomery wants to see you. In her office?”

By the time Sirius glanced up to say thanks, Kim had already fled back to her desk.

None of the employees tried to say anything at Sirius but rather they side looked at him from their work stations in a silent condescending goodbye. Sirius was glad that Mrs. Montgomery had left her door open and he could avoid the awkward minutes of waiting outside.

“Sit down, darling.” She pointed to one of the chairs in front of her desk. “And excuse me if I’m too abrupt but I need to know, has something happened to you lately? Family problems? Has any of your friends died?”

“No,” Sirius replied.

“Look honey, I really shouldn’t care about your personal life,” Mrs. Montgomery began. “But since it’s already getting in the way with your job life… Well, you pushed me to ask this, does this has anything to do with Remus leaving?”

“Who?” Sirius asked, but he clutched his hands in the chair’s arms.

“You can stop pretending now. Peter told me everything.”

Sirius gritted his teeth. _That rat._ “I don’t understand how this has anything to do with my job.”

“Let me break it down for you then,” Mrs. Montgomery leant over the desk. “Last week Jessica Bennett cried for two hours straight and she won’t tell anyone what you told her. And the week before that, at the new employees training you were awful. That’s not the spirit we want to show in our department.”

“Mrs. Montgomery, are you firing me?”

“What? No,” she replied. “I could never do that. I’m just… suggesting, maybe you could channel all those feelings on something different. Something like this.”

Sirius took the letters Mrs. Montgomery was handing to him. “Dear: blank space,” he read. “It is our duty to communicate to you and your family that: blank space died today in the committing of his service. Our most sincere condolences. Ministry of Magic,” Sirius stopped. “Wait, this is from _Grievances and Death Announcing’s_ Department.”

“Exactly,” Mrs. Montgomery nodded. “Sadness, total loss of faith… maybe until you can feel better you could make some families feel better.”

“Well that’s just great. Thank you very much, Ma’am.”

If Mrs. Montgomery caught any sarcasm in his voice, she didn’t mention it and Sirius got back to his desk in a breeze. He diligently stuffed all of his belongings in a cardboard box. “Did she fire you?” Peter asked from his desk.

“Actually no,” Sirius retailed bitterly. “She promoted me. I’m Bad News now.”

 

 

(146)

“I brought Chinese!” Peter announced, shutting the door close with his ankle. “I went by St. Mungo’s on the way here…” He trailed. A faint melody came from the living room to his ears but it stopped all of sudden.

“Did James say anything?” Sirius asked.

Peter walked inside the living with his coat on and the boxes in one hand as a response. Sirius had his old music notebooks spread all over the couches and the coffee table, his black acoustic guitar resting in his lap and a lit cigar dangling from his mouth. “You’re composing again?” Peter asked with a broad smile.

“I was cleaning and I found it,” Sirius replied. “Did you see Prongs?”

“Oh,” Peter remembered. “Yeah, he says he’ll be joining Lily on her night shift.”

“Sure he is,” Sirius barked a laugh and scratched a few chords in his guitar. “I’m feeling inspired tonight, Pete,” he smiled.

“Brilliant,” Peter replied. “I just hope you don’t go walking around with Mick Jagger’s pants again.”

“I’m a rockstar! Course I’ll be wearing Mick Jagger’s trousers,” Sirius hummed in response.

Peter rolled his eyes and strode to the kitchen to open the small white boxes and when he went past Sirius, Remus’ face smiled at him from a squared picture attached to the guitar’s neck.

 

 

(321)

_I hate Remus. I hate his crooked teeth. I hate his boney fingers. I hate his hobo hair. I hate the way he stares at people while they talk. And I hate the way he sounds when he laughs._

“I HATE THIS SONG!”

“Sir, I’m sorry but if you can’t be quiet I’m going to have to ask you to leave the waiting room,” a healer called.

“They are all going to die anyway,” Sirius retailed bitterly.

 

 

(345)

A dark room. Cheap perfume and a girl giggling. Kissing him in the wrong way, touching him in the wrong places. They were drunk. At least, Sirius was drunk enough. The rest of the night was a blur of colors and heartache. And Sirius wished that it remained like that. He woke up early in the morning and wrote a note for her before leaving, not daring to glance at her face. Doing so would mean that what he did was real, that he was completely messed up by wishing her face, her hands, her lips were Remus’ instead.

He took a shower. Shaved. The girl didn’t wake up. And Sirius decided maybe it was time and Apparated in the Ministry an hour too early. He walked towards Alastor Moody’s office and knocked twice. Moody was inside. He invited him to sit down and twisted his mouth in a wry smile as Sirius did.

“I heard you’re recruiting again,” Sirius said.

“And I heard you’re the same ol’ Black than last time,” Moody replied, fetching a Pensieve from a drawer behind him. Grey ghosts appeared once at a time, as Moody poured thoughts inside the stone vessel.

_Reckless… Spoiled… Wouldn’t listen to any orders… Not worth the time… Stupid… Childish and thoughtless… After what happened in the fire I doubt we can trust him anything bigger than a dollhouse…_

Sirius stood still through all of them. Bit back his words and thought he was going to make it through. Up until the point a face that he knew too well made its appearance. She was practically a kid. Seventeen, purple hair, ear piercings… and half of her face burnt to a level that made her unrecognizable for anyone that wasn’t Sirius.

“I don’t think it was his fault. He was just trying to do the right thing,” she said. “What? If I forgive him? Of course I do! We’re family. And besides, it’s not as if I couldn’t fix this.”

Sirius missed the moment when the girl in Moody’s memory changed her face into a healthy non-burnt version of it. He was too busy staring at his own feet and only looked up when Moody began retrieving the thoughts from the vessel. Once he’s finished, Sirius tried to lock gazes with him, but instead found himself fixating his eyes in a black fly by the window frame to avoid the silent judgment part.

“She’ll be joining the Force next January,” Moody pointed out. “And… what were you going to ask me?”

Sirius’ nails dug deep in the flesh of his palms but when he spoke his voice was calm and put together. “Sir, I want to join the Force.”

Moody arched his healthy eyebrow high up. “Of course you want to, Black. But the real question here is: have you changed? Or do I still need to trust you ‘nothing more than a dollhouse’?”

“Sir, I can assure you that an incident like that is never going to happen again. I can swear that my behavior has changed entirely.”

“Has it?” Moody blamed. “Because, Black, the rumors are that you’ve been ‘losing’ your mind in the hallways this last weeks. They say that you’ve been erratic, destructive and irreverent (more so). And I’m afraid that I am not interested in working with an element of such characteristics.”

Sirius’ palms were stained with blood. “Sir, I’m afraid this is all a misunderstanding. If my behavior has been different than any other day (which I don’t think), it hasn’t affected any of my duties so far. And, as politely as I can, I’m going to have to ask you to keep my personal life off the table while we’re discussing my job life.” That was going too far. Sirius knew that but, as anger grew inside him, he was unable to care about it.

“Mr. Black,” Moody sighed, standing up. “Perhaps you’ve been misled by my vain, shallow exterior. And yes, I’m being sarcastic. But the truth is, I couldn’t give a damn as for who are you dating: if it’s a man, or if your bad temper has pushed him away, is none of my business, as you brilliantly point out. But I’m not stupid and I feel offended that you suggested so. I know your behavior has been affecting everything and everyone around you and that includes job life.” Moody asserted. “Long story short: Until you man up and apologize for your incompetence and lack of responsibility, you don’t have the slightest chance to be a part of my team. I will not risk any more lives for your stubbornness.”

After Moody finished that last sentence, Sirius tried to keep himself cool and think with his head, but a heavy wrath was making its way from his stomach to his head, blurring the edges of his vision. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the mention of Remus, the suggestion that it had been himself the one that made Lupin drift away or the fact that Moody would never let him be an auror. Ever. He could tell however, that after he stood up from his chair, he pushed the heavy desk to the ground. Moody jumped away the second it slammed loud against the tiled floor and, before anything else could happen, Sirius walked away, pushing a few books from their shelves as he passed next to them.

Later that afternoon, Sirius wondered why Moody hadn’t hexed him right there. Why the man that could, cold heartedly, kill a dozen of Death-Eaters, didn’t do anything about a little spoiled employee that tore his office down. Moody didn’t even need to hex him, all it would take for a man in his position was a letter to the Minister and Sirius would be out forever. But Moody didn’t. Not that day and not the days that followed.

And Sirius felt awful when he realized why. It was because, by acting the way he did, Sirius was actually proving Moody right. About everything.

 

 

(404)

“What do you mean you’re not coming?” Sirius grasped the mirror in his right hand as he tossed a few Knuts in the helper’s hand. “No thanks, no toothbrush.” He started walking through the hall trying to find a decent seat by the window.

“I have to work extra hours now, Pads. For the wedding and that stuff, you know I can’t just skip work the whole weekend,” James excused.

“What about you?” Sirius barked in the round shape of Peter’s face.

“Come on Sirius, it’s all gonna be full of aurors and people that’s like three thousand times taller and handsomer than me. I don’t think I…” Sirius missed the last part of Peter’s lame excuse for not attending to Alice and Frank Longbottom’s wedding because a face in the hallway caught his attention.

Dizziness dissipated as soon as Sirius realized that Remus hadn’t noticed him. He was reading an old book and a small concentration crease decorated his brow. Sirius jumped in the first and farthest empty seat he found. Just in case.

“Padfoot!” James’ voice called. Sirius jumped, as he hadn’t realized that he still held the mirror in his hands.

“Got it. You’re not coming. Gotta go,” he mumbled, quickly stuffing the mirror in his backpack. His hands felt sweaty and if only the Knight Bus was a little less noisy, everyone could’ve heard his heart beat racing like a horse. He rubbed his hands on the front of his pants and breathed to clear his mind. The perspective of staying silent in his place until Remus humped down the bus seemed so promising if only…

“Mister Black? Sirius Black?” said the helper in a high pitched voice. “Here’s your coffee Mr.”

Sirius felt his stomach giving a triple mortal and falling to his feet. “Great,” he replied, practically tearing the paper cup in his attempt to retrieve it from the charger’s hands. The boy walked clumsily to the front of the bus. It didn’t take more than a couple of minutes before Remus reached over Sirius’ seat. Sirius felt his breath tickling his neck as Lupin leant over to say hi. In the last minute Sirius decided to play it cool “Moo… Remus, what a surprise! Did you just hump in?”

“Not really. I was sitting right there, by the window. I heard your name and I thought I might come and say hi.”

“Oh, cool. Well, hi.”

Remus frowned in discomfort. “I… um… I’m sorry for not showing up the other day. I’ve been a little busy, you know.”

“It’s okay. I‘ve been busy myself,” Sirius scoffed. “So… where are you going?”

“Alice and Frank’s wedding?” Remus replied, as if it was the most obvious answer ever. Sirius made a mental note of choking James and Peter when he got back. _Those bastards knew this was going to happen._

“I thought you wouldn’t,” Sirius trailed. “You know. Since you quitted and all that…”

Remus shrugged. “I’ve been in contact. They were very nice with me.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Sirius nodded awkwardly.

“So… um, how have you been?”

“Great. Yeah, amazing.”

“That’s good to hear. You know, I wrote and I never heard back from you so I thought…”

“Ah yeah,” Sirius tried to grin carelessly but couldn’t make his face obey. “I’ve been kind of busy too. Work and quidditch and stuff and you know… things.”

“Still working for Montgomery?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded vaguely and Remus gave him a pity smile. “Well, I didn’t mean to bother you. So I’ll just…” he pointed back to his seat.

Sirius did a half nod and Remus turned his back to leave down the hallway. In the last minute, Sirius changed his mind, “Wait!” Sirius called back. “Do you want to get some coffee?”

Remus turned back and frowned.

“Or something else?” Sirius added, looking at the cup in his hands.

Remus smiled. “I guess we could go after the rehearsal.”

“Or we could skip the rehearsal,” Sirius offered.

Remus opened his mouth to reply but the charger cut in with a loud yell and the bus stopped so violently that half of Sirius’ coffee landed on the floor.

“Glastonbury! Your stop, Mr. Black, um… Mr. Lupin,” he called.

“I don’t think Alice nor Frank are going to miss us,” Remus replied, pulling his leather ratty case from the floor and jumping outside the bus.

 

Sirius smiled widely all the way to the nearest muggle coffee shop. Remus drank three chocolate-cinnamon cups and Sirius’ green tea went cold after he spent the entirety of the night talking. Mostly little talk and crappy jokes but he felt small heart attacks every time Remus laughed at something he had said or the way he seemed to be really interested in every little thing he did. They ended up leaving only because the shop was about to close.

Sirius offered to walk Remus to his hotel and this time he didn’t say a thing on the way there. It was a neat, peaceful silence, but despite all this signs, Sirius couldn’t pull together enough guts to kiss Remus goodbye once he left him in the hotel’s door.

 

 

(405)

Morning was beautifully bright and Sirius was feeling happier than he had felt in several weeks. There were violets and small white roses all over the garden and silver foldable chairs spread all over the center lawn. There was no tent but Sirius assumed they had put up a charm to the air because it was cool and the sun light had been slightly obscured to the point it didn’t burn or hurt the eyes. At the very center and in front of the silver chairs there was a beautifully carved wooden arch made by Frank himself, representing scenes of his and Alice’s time together. Sirius felt an immense urge to smile at all times and he also wasn’t even mad at James nor Peter for not coming to the wedding with him. He was even more thankful when he saw Remus arriving with a rather old but clean and hole-free black suit. Sirius had chosen a gray one that sparkled faintly under the sunlight.

Sirius spotted him from the moment he left the front house and entered the garden. His eyes refused to leave his lean figure until he was close enough to make eye contact uncomfortable.

“Hi,” Remus smiled coyly. “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” Sirius replied, his voice rough. “You look good too.”

Remus smiled in a way that stated clearly that he didn’t think that his black suit was in any way comparable to Sirius’ luscious gray one. Sirius said something like “Well, let’s go…” and waved his head over the silver chairs that had been assigned to them.

The moment Alice left the old house and walked, strong and happy to the altar, Frank’s face shone with a glad smile. Sirius knew it was girlish, but he thought that that was the face he had when he saw Remus for the first time. He was about to tell him when Remus leaned over and said, “I always thought Rita Skeeter was a man, you know, dressed as a woman.”

Sirius turned over and whispered, “What?” Remus smiled and pointed to a woman with blond, stiff curls, a few rows in front of them. “How else can you explain those square, huge hands? And her jaw! Oh, Merlin, it totally creeps me out,” he continued.

Sirius chuckled and Remus beamed. “Glad I can still cheer you up,” he said. Sirius shook his head, thinking of all the ways Remus could cheer him up if only he wanted to.

 

The ceremony was rather short. At their vows Frank explained the meaning of the arch and Alice joked about it not fitting in their tiny shoebox of apartment. The sun was setting at the exact moment the priest said “You may kiss the bride” and Sirius thought it was very stupid, beginning a relationship when the day was dying, but he forced himself to think it was a romantic act. The rest of the guests, some from the office, some Sirius had never met but assumed were Frank and Alice’s family, roared and applauded in excitement. Some of them cried. Remus didn’t and Sirius was very glad of it.

A tall, square-faced steward asked them to stand up a little and an army of stewards popped up from every corner and arranged an equally profuse army of small round tables, all looking in the direction of a larger square table in which Alice and Frank sat, along with the priest and some of the people Sirius didn’t know. Small floating lanterns replaced the sunlight and all of the silver folding chairs literally ran with metallic sounds to arrange themselves behind the tables. Everyone took a seat and as the night grew old, laughter grew easier.

At some point, a brown-eyed little girl asked Remus for a dance and he refused at first, but Sirius pushed him into the dance floor with a mocking push. Sirius himself danced a few songs with one of Alice’s cousins but he couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering towards Remus and the little girl. Remus held her hands ever so slightly, as if he could break her, but she was enchanted, smiling and all red in the cheeks. When the song finished, everyone clapped and the little girl gave Remus a kiss in the cheek before letting him go. Except that, properly speaking, she didn’t really let him go, and instead, she coaxed both man to sit at the kids’ table, where Sirius spent the rest of the night watching how Remus joked around with the little kids and he even played a few tricks with his wand to entertain them. This kids were completely the opposite to kids in the Black family and Sirius was glad –he hadn’t heard so many young children laughing and humming silly songs since Hogwarts (and back then, he had been one of those silly youngsters). At one point, Remus ran out of magic tricks and fairytales and kids wandered across the garden, leaving the men alone in the table. The brown eyed girl was now heading an exploration campaign inside the old house along some other children.

“Feeling the urge to become a father, aren’t we?” Remus asked, noticing Sirius’ faint smile.

That word _father_. It made Sirius shudder. “Not yet,” he replied, still hearing a distant echo of drunken steps straddling through the stairs. Despite knowing that He couldn’t hurt him, Sirius still felt a slight shiver running across his spine.

“Not yet?” Remus insisted, arching his eyebrows playfully.

“Not ever,” Sirius corrected, shuddering past his discomfort. “Children are gross tiny monsters. Look at them… running, and screaming and drooling.”

Remus laughed. “You drool!” he pointed out.

“I do not!” Sirius replied, smiling.

“You did! Every time I woke up there was a massive puddle of your saliva in my blankets, mister. I even had to dump one of those.”

“Well,” Sirius replied, knowing his defeat. “You snort! Loud.”

Remus laughed, amused. “I know I snort,” he admitted. “You kindly told that to me after pulling an _Aguamenti_ on my face.”

“In my defense,” Sirius blushed lightly. “I had already tried with a _Silentium_ four times before and you just kept snorting!

“Yeah, but still…” Remus’ words were eaten by the cries of half a dozen of children, running towards the table, guided by the brown eyed girl.

“There’s the dragon! SLAIN HIIIIIIM!” she shouted, pointing at Sirius with a wooden stick.

“Slain me?” Sirius shouted, amused. “SLAIN-ME?!” he roared, standing and spreading his arms as if they were wings. “WE’LL SEE WHO’S GONNA SLAIN WHO, SIR DANCE-A-LOT!” He yelled as he ran, breathing theatrically, to the army of children. They yelled, half laughing and half babbling, as they attacked Sirius with wooden sticks and bread knives they had borrowed from the tables.

After a few minutes, the dragon was defeated and Remus, still chuckling, helped a very muddy Sirius to stand on his feet again. Several cleansing charms were required in order to get the gray suit back to its original color. After that, the kids began playing Duck, Duck, Goose at the table, but had to stop when Alice called everyone to the dance floor for the bouquet’s catch. In an astounding demonstration of agility and fierce biting, the girl with the brown eyes caught it and, blushing from the neck to the brow, offered it to Remus with a shy smile. It was hard to decide who looked more embarrassed. “Thanks,” Remus finally babbled and the girl quickly ran away to hide her face behind her mother’s dress.

Sirius couldn’t fight back a laugh. “Wow Remus, you’re popular with the ladies, ain’t you?”

“Oh, shut up,” Remus replied wryly.

“Just kidding,” Sirius smiled. He called two glasses from the bar with his wand. He handed one at Remus who sipped it in one gulp. Sirius smiled and, shrugging, he did the same with his.

“Wanna dance?” Remus asked, dubious.

Sirius didn’t want to put him off but he couldn’t help to look at the crowded dance floor. Remus didn’t work at the Ministry anymore, but Sirius would have to listen to the rumors for the rest of his life. And yes, maybe he did care a little. “Here?” he wrinkled his nose.

“Of course not here, you twat,” Remus replied. “There’s a nice spot behind the old house. I bet no one can see us there.”

Sirius nodded with a smile. “So be my guide,” he replied.

“All right, I’ll go first ok?” Remus pointed to a place with his head and walked towards it with long but calm strides. Sirius followed him with his gaze until he got lost to the left of the house. Only then he dared to follow him with what he felt was a relaxed pace.

 

Remus was waiting for him, hands in his pockets and playing nervously with the tip of his shoes. Sirius looked back. The dance floor and silver tables were now just a small spot of light in the middle of the garden. However, the magical orchestra could still be heard from here. Sirius was pretty sure no one could see them or hear them.

“Who’s guiding?” Sirius asked.

Remus let out a nervous laugh as he raised his eyes to meet Sirius. “This is a silly idea,” he said, taking the palm that Sirius was offering him. Remus’ hand was cold and sweaty, but Sirius held it firmly between his. He gave the first step and accidentally stumbled with Remus’ feet. All they did for a while was stepping over each other’s feet until Remus suggested they shouldn’t move so much and instead, leaned his head in Sirius’ shoulder and just stood there, balancing slowly from left to right. A warm, fuzzy sensation grew inside Sirius’ chest as he buried his nose inside Remus’ hair and he didn’t pull back.

“I was wondering…” Remus said against Sirius’ body. “I… um, I am having a party on Friday. Our… um, my rooftop is kind of nice. It wasn’t… you know, not entirely my idea but…” Remus wandered. “Anyway, maybe you wanna come. If you’re not too busy.”

“I’m never too busy,” Sirius replied in the hollow of Remus’ nape.

Remus laughed in relief and Sirius wondered if he had been worried about that all evening. Then Remus split apart and Sirius immediately longed for Remus’ weight against him. “This is not… I mean… we’re still…” Remus stuttered, fumbling for the words.

“We’re just friends,” Sirius finished.

“Just friends,” Remus nodded. Sirius felt empty inside but he smiled gently anyway. “We should come back, ain’t we?” Remus noticed.

Sirius nodded, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep his words to himself. Remus turned his back on Sirius and he had just given a few steps towards the party when he changed his mind and turned back to kiss Sirius fully in the mouth. It was needy and desperate and Sirius couldn’t help but grasp Remus’ face with both hands, to pull him closer, to wish he could melt in his touch. Remus slammed him unceremoniously against the wall and broke off the kiss, eyes gleaming with lust and lips red and swollen. “My room or your room?” Remus asked with a rough voice.

“I couldn’t care less,” Sirius replied, marking a trail of sloppy kisses down Remus’ jaw and neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I know that Tonks is a lot younger than MWPP, but trust me, she's a key piece in the story. And also, this part was going to feature a couple of gifs but my computer is being moody right now and I can't, for the love of Merlin, upload them. However, I'll add them when I can, so keep tuned!  
> As always thankyouthankyouthankyou for reading this child of mine. Bless you guys!
> 
> EDIT 15/01: Sorry! School's being a biatch and gif making was out of my reach all week :( I'll get on the promised gifs once I tackle down most of my coursework but it might not be soon... for real, sorry.


	5. EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY

****

(410)

Sirius walked to Remus’ apartment, intoxicated by the promise of the evening. He believed that this time, his expectations would align with reality. In his imagination, Remus would open the door to reveal that most of the guests weren’t there. Sirius would kiss him between a few beers and Remus would gladly return the kiss. And, after all of the guests were gone, the night would end for them beneath the immaculate blankets of his room.

Remus’ place was at the fourth floor and Sirius jogged upstairs, softly whistling a song that he would later identify as First day of my life, by some muggle band James was very fond of. Sirius knocked at the door, brown and old, with an unpolished golden number hanging somewhat in the top middle section. Remus did open the door and gave him a bright smile.

“You made it,” he said. “Come on, come inside. Let me put your coat over here.”

Sirius handed him the coat as he looked around. There were a bit more guests than the ones in Sirius’ imagination but he didn’t let himself down for this one. He gave a brief glimpse to the apartment. The wallpaper was a burgundy washed out pattern and there were still odd souvenirs and books all over the living, but there was something missing.

“Is something wrong?” Remus asked, still smiling.

“Uh, no. Here, I brought you something,” he said, handing Remus a neat brown square envelope.

Remus took it. “Oh, thanks,” he said, tearing the paper apart to reveal a matching set of blue linen blankets. “You… didn’t have to.”

“You said I drooled on yours,” Sirius explained, feeling it was a stupid gift, after all.

Remus chuckled and shook his head. “I didn’t remember,” he said, putting the sheets inside the closet, among Sirius jacket. “Come on. The stairs are back in the balcony.”

Sirius nodded, walking cleanly behind Remus. And then Sirius realized. There were no unpacked boxes around, at least not at sight. Sirius blamed this to the fact that Remus was holding a party, but something told him it wasn’t because of that.

“So… um, how long have you been living here?” he asked, just to check.

“I moved like… three weeks ago, I think,” Remus replied, climbing through the emergency metal stairs.

Sirius followed him, feeling as if a vacuum had sucked all of his happy vibes. “It’s a nice place,” he said, bitterly.

“Oh, I didn’t picked it all by myself. But yes, it’s… painteresque, isn’t it?” Remus replied, giving a small jump to reach the last step.

There were even more people at the balcony. It wasn’t a big party, but it was still a pretty large gathering. Sirius didn’t know any of those people and he felt out of place, with all of them drinking and laughing and eating between silver and pastel blue balloons floating around.

“Lovely,” Sirius added, biting his tongue.

Remus smiled, unaware of the sarcasm in Sirius’ voice. “This way,” he said, pointing to a group of three people that sat by the very edge of the roof. There was a blonde witch with loose Boho braids. She was curled like a cat in white wooden bench. She smiled at Remus and gave him two kisses in each cheek when she spotted them.

“Annie,” Remus smiled. “Sirius, this is Annie, she’s a reporter for The Quibbler. And this is David McKinnon, he’s an architect and his wife, Marlene, she tells me she was in Gryffindor. Perhaps you remember her.”

Sirius glanced once at David before answering. “We… dated for a while,” he said. Marlene blushed and Sirius realized that a weekend at Hogsmeade in 7th grade didn’t count as dating for everyone.

“Nice meeting you again,” Marlene said, kissing his cheek shyly before getting back to her husband.

“Same,” Sirius replied. He shook David’s hand in an awkward half a minute motion. Annie waved her hands as if trying to scare a fly. “I don’t want bad vibes anywhere near me, sorry. I’m having such a nice time,” she explained with an absent smile. A few minutes later, David and Marlene apologized and moved to a different group.

“And what do you do for a living, mister Black?” Annie asked, as if to break the tension.

Sirius shrugged, sitting on the beach chair David had been sitting in. “It’s no big deal really.”

“He works at the Ministry,” Remus replied. “At the _Office of Postage and Enlightenment_.”

Annie raised her brow in interest. “That sounds fancy. What exactly do you do there?”

“I tie memos to owl’s limbs and deliver pamphlets,” Sirius replied bitterly.

“He was accepted in the Auror’s Force, but he refused,” Remus cut in.

“That’s unusual,” Annie said, sipping at her glass. “What made you choose owls over magical safety?”

“Well, you know,” Sirius said, pretending to be very passionate about his job. “I said to myself why make something so pointless as capturing dangerous dark wizards when you can do something that really matters, like sitting 8 hours in a row behind a tiny cubicle?” Sirius laughed but Annie nodded, thoughtful. Sirius then turned to Remus, thinking he could laugh at Annie with him. But Remus just pulled his lips together until they were a thin line. Sirius stopped laughing immediately.

“I have to go get some other guests,” Remus said, sipping at his glass for the last time.

“I’ll go with you,” Sirius offered, standing up.

“I can handle it alone, thanks,” Remus cut him. “Go back to the party.”

Sirius clenched his jaw as Remus walked downstairs. He didn’t exactly came back to the party. It was more like he picked a bottle of Butterbeer from a table and sulk in the loneliest corner of the rooftop until the sun set behind some stupid buildings David could’ve designed.

A few minutes after the sunset, a new guest caught Sirius’ attention. As a matter of fact, she caught everyone’s attention, as she stomped against a tall broad shouldered man, almost making him fall off the roof. Her hair was a bright shade of pink and she was wearing combat boots and a loose _Macbeth Witches_ t-shirt. A heavy weight fell in Sirius’ stomach as he recognized her as Tonks. She had certainly grew up a lot since the last time he saw her, but last time Sirius saw her, she had half of her face burnt and it wasn’t a really nice memory though. For a split second, Sirius thought of scurrying away, but thought it twice, remembering Mad-Eye’s speech. Maybe they were right, maybe Sirius was a spoiled brat and it was time to stop running. Besides, this way he could prove Remus that he was mature enough to not screw their relationship again.

Sirius approached at Tonks but somebody else got there first. It was Remus. He was hugging her –perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. She hugged him back and, for Sirius’ surprise and disgust, she kissed him in the mouth. It was very quick and discrete but Sirius felt as if Remus had thrown shit at his face. Anger roared in his chest and he gave long strides to the beverages table and took and entire bottle of Firewhiskey before going back to his sulking place.

“Stupid Remus and his stupid bi-flirting,” he murmured under his breath. For a few seconds, Sirius worried about Remus looking for him so he could say hi at Tonks, but it was clear he didn’t mean to when she pulled him to a group of witches and he didn’t offered any resistance. Sirius heard her from his sulking corner, she was laughing, and he saw Remus laughing as well, cheeks red with drunk happiness. And just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, the girl raised his left hand to show one of the witches a ring in her middle finger. It wasn’t big and it wasn’t sparkly, Sirius could’ve bet that the stone in it wasn’t even a diamond, but it was pretty clear what it meant. Sirius felt nausea as a response for the mixed emotions in his head. He tried to choke it back with more whiskey but the bottle was empty.

He felt his skin itching to leave this place. If he didn’t climb down stairs and leaved this roof, he might actually puke or cry –or both. Making his way through the stairs being unseen was really easy, but the hard part came when he had to cross Remus’ new apartment and look at the lack of clutter form a different perspective. Remus had finally found an anchor, someone he could bond to. And it wasn’t him.

It was too much. He ran to the street, slamming the entrance gate on his way out. His eyes went blurry and dark and his lounges shrunk with nausea spasms. Except it wasn’t nausea, but rather heavy tears landing violently in the asphalt. And with tears, went away pieces of Sirius, pieces that used to belong to Remus but now, ownerless, pleaded to leave his body. When he took a moment to breathe, he heard nothing. Everything was so silent that he literally could hear his heart pounding in his ears, struggling to get out. He roared a fire hex to anything in particular and it drew a red and gold spiral across the street until it hit a light post, bending it slightly. But magic wasn’t enough, vandalism couldn’t solve this. He wanted to tear, beat, slam, break, scream. He wanted to take his own heart off his chest and set in on fire. And since he couldn’t do that, he had to settle with kicking a few trashcans and smacking walls until neighbors’ heads peered outside windows.

Sirius’ house was nearly five hundred miles away. That night, he walked every one of those.

 

 

(420)

Two heavy knocks in the door.

“Sirius, it’s late for work,” Peter called.

“Fuck you!” Sirius shouted, tossing a shoe in the door’s direction.

“Everyone in the office is worried because you’re not showing up,” Peter replied, in a worried voice himself. “Mrs. Montgomery herself wanted me to talk to you.”

“TELL HER TO FUCK OFF!” Sirius roared, tossing blue fire to the door this time. The flames curled around the wood and licked the corners of fresh air. Sirius heard Peter’s steps quickly leaving and he curled back under the comforter.

 

 

(421)

Three heavy knocks in the door.

“Piss off Wormtail,” Sirius grunted.

“Padfoot, mate,” It was James’ voice this time. “You have to leave that room eventually.”

“You’re right,” Sirius responded, kicking the comforter away and sneaking inside a luxurious royal blue bathrobe. He opened the door to find a very astounded Peter and a self-sufficiently smiling James.

“Oh really?” Peter exploded. “So James asks for it and he gets it. Fan-fucking-tastic!”

Sirius gave them a smug smile and left barefoot and in bathrobe, only to come back twenty seconds later with a bottle of Firewhiskey and a basket of butter buns. Peter and James were still contemplating the rat cradle Sirius’ room had become when he landed neatly in his bed again and shut the door close behind him.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” James interjected. “Now get your ass back here, you wanker.”

“Goodnight Prongs!” Sirius shouted as a response.

 

 

(422)

Three faint, dubious knocks to the door.

Sirius couldn’t be bothered to say anything.

Soon, the steps faded, walking downstairs in defeat.

Sirius got to the conclusion that he eventually had to leave his bed; he literally rolled off the bed until he landed flat on the ground and crawled to the bathroom to take a shower. After dressing with the first thing he picked up, he gave a quick look at his room and thought that probably he should do some cleaning before leaving but he’s already late for work.

 

As soon as he got to the Ministry, he realized that he’s become sort of a celebrity, since a lot of people he doesn’t know, nor he cares to know, has been following him all the way through the lift. He tried to blame it on the fact that he was wearing his last clean clothes: a pair of muggle pants and the white shirt he wore for Alice and Frank’s wedding. By the time he arrived at the Office, the news of him coming back has been told twice. That’s why Peter barely lifted his eyes from the letter he had been writing.

“I was about to write to St. Mungo’s so they came by and check if you were still alive,” Peter said, in a tone that suggested that he wasn’t kidding. “What happened?”

Sirius rearranged his backpack in the shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied. From where he was standing, he could see his new desk, back at Grievances and Death Announcements –a massive pile of unsent letters stood in his tray, probably standing still by magic only.

“You always want to talk about it!” Peter retorted.

Sirius thought about all the people with dead family and whose letters hadn’t arrived yet. “Not this time,” he replied. His throat felt as if someone had plastered sand paper inside of it.

Peter shook his head and grabbed a pile of files from his own desk. “Fine, come on. Let’s go.”

Sirius’ feet danced in the air, as he stopped dead. “Go where?” he asked. The entire office was leaving the desks and heading towards the end of the Department.

“It’s Wednesday,” Peter nearly shouted to his ear. Sirius blinked twice. Then he cursed under his breath.

He had to choose the freaking weekly reunion day to re-appear into the office.

 

Cyntia Grey, from Improvement of Productivity had a lot of ideas for this week’s reunion. Sirius lost the track of the times he had rolled his eyes in the last half hour, but still, Cyntia wouldn’t shut her mouth about putting engraved vintage tea boxes in every office.

“And as my last suggestion for today, I think we should bring back the old kitten posters,” she said. “I think they helped a lot to depressed people. You know, who doesn’t love a kitten that purrs when he sees you?”

Sirius couldn’t fight back a sarcastic laugh that came out in the form of a barking sound. Mrs. Montgomery stared at him and frowned.

“All right Cyntia. We’ll think about your recommendations,” she smiled at her and turned to see the rest of the personal. “Anyone else? Sirius? We haven’t heard from you in a while. Any ideas?”

Sirius shrugged. “Nope. I’m blank,” he scoffed.

“Oh really?” Mrs. Montgomery frowned. “I got the feel that you wanted to contribute.”

“Well, now that you mention so,” Sirius straightened in his chair. “I… no disrespect, Cyntia, but this is crap. Vintage tea containers won’t cheer anyone up and in fact, I don’t think anything can cheer up anyone around here. We’re all just sad slobs, frustrated and working for the worst department in the whole Ministry. So, no one cares about how tea looks like because everything is just a gray piece of shit.”

“Sirius,” Peter warned, but Sirius kept ranting on. “We are liars! ‘Work for the OPE and make the Ministry a lovely place to be’. No one cares about who we are! Also, I hate cats! No one loves cats!”

Cyntia made a whimpering sound and Peter melted into his chair. Mrs. Mongomery stood up and slammed her palms against the desk. “Sirius, please sit down!” she shouted. Sirius didn’t realize the exact moment he had stood up but he forced himself to get back on his seat. “Now, you know I didn’t want to make this a public matter, but you leave me no choice. I know,” she said and Sirius tried to interrupt but she shut him up with a scoff. “I know that you’re going through a rough time but pouring it all over your work, obstructing our work, is not the right way to deal with it. You are acting like a silly teenager who can’t control his feelings, so I’m asking you, politely, to grow up.”

There was an uncomfortable silence in the whole room and Sirius clenched his hands into fists but when he spoke he sounded calm. “You’re right. I can’t keep doing this anymore,” he said and for a moment, everyone thought Sirius was going to apologize. Sirius Black apologizing to a bunch of people he didn’t care for seemed as likely as the Earth changing its rotation direction. And so he didn’t. “I quit,” he finished, giving heavy steps to the door and slamming it on his way out.

“Wow,” Peter whistled. “That was intense. Wasn’t it?”

Everyone glared at him until he, slow and silently, camouflaged back into his chair.

 

 

(444)

“He’s upstairs,” Peter indicated as Regulus hung his coat behind the door.

There was no need for Regulus to knock on the door because it was wide open. Regulus caught a glimpse of Sirius throwing spell after spell towards a target hidden by a column. All the furniture had been moved against the walls and the window was sealed to avoid curious muggles. “Hey,” he called to avoid any accidents.

Sirius lowered his wand and stood in the middle of the room, turning to his brother. “I heard you,” he noted. “What’s up?” His brow was sweaty and his breathing uneven but he looked way more calm than the last time Regulus had to intervene.

“You’re training again,” Regulus said, entering quietly to the room. Sirius blushed abruptly but nodded. From inside the room, Regulus was able to appreciate a picture of certain werewolf attached to the center of the target.

“Yeah, just… to kill time you know,” Sirius replied, striding quickly to the opposite wall to retrieve Remus’ picture and hide it in his back pocket along the wand.

Regulus nodded, unsure if he should laugh or try to comfort Sirius. “You’ll lose a butt cheek like that,” he said, impersonating Moody’s voice.

Sirius laughed but it didn’t sound as if he had put much effort on looking happy. “So... I got you guys some tickets for next Saturday’s game,” Regulus said, fishing for the tickets on his front pocket.

“The one with the Holyhead Harpies?” Sirius asked, waving his wand to get the furniture back to its place. Regulus nodded. “Harriet herself gave them to me with the explicit order to put one in your, and I quote: ‘magical hands of pleasure’”

Sirius smiled and took the tickets. “She was pretty good too,” he replied, sitting in the corner of the couch. Regulus approached to sit next to him. He was still staring at the tickets with an absent light in his eyes. “Listen,” he said, choosing his words gently. “I know you think Remus was the one. But I don’t.” Sirius took the eyes off the tickets and looked at Regulus instead. “And I think you’re just remembering the good stuff,” Regulus went on. “and next time you look back I… I really think you should look again.” Sirius nodded absently. “I’ll be downstairs,” Regulus stated.

As soon as his brother left the room, Sirius felt a thick lump knotting his throat. Maybe it had been there for a while, but now he could notice it. Just as he now noticed the times Remus had avoided his gaze, that time he left the theater and Sirius thought it was because it was a girly movie but the screen showed that all-American guy proposing to that other all-American lady. It was just now that the “Feeling the urge of becoming a father, aren’t we?” question made sense. All of the puzzle pieces were quietly aligning on its place as Sirius’ own heart turned into a puzzle of jagged bleeding pieces. There was a reason why Remus couldn’t get attached to him specifically.

 

 

(245)

“That’s it, I get to pick the movie next time,” Sirius teased, following Remus out of the movies. Remus didn’t look at him “What? You know I’m just kidding right? It was a good movie.”

“Yeah. No, I’m just… I’m just being stupid,” Remus nodded.

“It’s fine. I liked Joan, he reminded me of my brother,” Sirius replied.

“It’s a she actually.”

“Couldn’t tell with all that Mediterranean hair,” Sirius laughed. “Come on, let’s go for a beer.”

Remus stood pinned to his place and Sirius ought to turn back his way. “Actually I thought I should probably you know, go home and call it a day,” Remus said.

“Oh, all right,” Sirius shrugged as if he didn’t care. “Are you sure you don’t want to have dinner before?” he insisted. Remus shook his head. “Is everything ok? Is this about the movie?”

Remus smiled gloomily. “No. I’m just a bit tired,” he replied, leaning over to rest a quick kiss on Sirius’ cheek. “But you’re right, we should go get something to eat.”

Sirius smiled cautiously. “Cool. I know the perfect place,” he said. “I hope you like pancakes.”

 

 

(448-473)

Sirius missed the Holyhead Harpies’ game.

He gave his own ticket to Lily (who wanted to go as much as the next door’s muggle but was more than glad to go on a date with James, one that didn’t involve St. Mungo’s cafeteria for a change). After that he spent the rest of the afternoon staring outside from his window and changing the color of the birds that rested in the nearest tree. As a bright red one flew away leaving a trail of gold, Sirius stood up straight and decided it was time. He took his jacket from behind the door and brushed the spider webs that had formed in the collar.

Street welcomed him gladly with a dash of cold, fresh air, which Sirius embraced as he listened to his own heart, beating calmly. Alive and not broken. He went straight to the Leaky Cauldron but didn’t stop to buy Firewhiskey like last time and instead waved Tom goodbye and entered the Diagon Alley, just in time to pick up some DCAO books before it was closing time for Flourish and Blotts.

Instead of coming back to his own place, he drifted to a muggle cafeteria near their building and spread all the books over the table, asked for a dark coffee with three sugars and refreshed his long lost lessons into shape shifting, protective spells, potion brewing, healing plants and avoiding a chained curse.

He went to sleep early and sober and he said “Good morning” to a very surprised Peter next morning. The next two weeks he alternated between books, coffee and heavy training with targets and sandbags that didn’t have Remus’ face attached to them. Finally he wrote a letter to Mad-Eye Moody, which he sent back with the reminder that even if he had approved the Auror’s school with all honors, his actions were still tipping the scale against him. Still, Sirius kept writing letter after letter. Some of them coaxing, some of them threatening and in the last ones, something that sounded vaguely as an apology. As a response, Sirius got various negatives and a couple of howlers.

 

 

(474)

“I admit it was not the behavior you expect on someone that’s about to impart justice to the magic world,” Sirius said, clenching his hands with nervousness against the desk. “And I’m… I’m deeply sorry for what I did."

 

_“Your hair…” Remus said._

_“I can make it brown. Or red. Or blonde? Whatever you want.”_

_“Don’t. It’s beautiful the way it is.”_

 

Alastor Moody glared at Sirius with both of his eyes.

_“Hey! You’re not supposed to look at the dress before the weeding!”_

“I know this might sound dull, but believe me, sir. It’s a very difficult thing for me to say, but I accept it was entirely my fault. And I acknowledge that anything I can say could possibly fix anything. But I’m ready to grow up, sir.”

_“I just wanted to see you now,” Remus replied. “We all know you will trip with the dress and fall before you get to the altar.”_

_“You can fucking bet I will trip, mister. And it will be beautiful and clumsy and you’ll love me.”_

 

Mad-Eye didn’t smile but he looked somewhat proud. He circled his desk, his wooden leg beating dryly the floor until he was facing Sirius. “It took you a while, didn’t it?”

_“We have all gathered here…” the priest said solemnly looking at all the faces in the audience. Most of them were her family but Remus didn’t care. They were his family now._

 

“You’ll have to pass all the exams again,” Moody warned. “And if you fall behind your own score, even a little, you’ll have to do the training again. And, until the day you get to examine again, you’ll come here every afternoon to help Dorcas with the paperwork. Do you agree with this?”

_“Do you, Remus Lupin, take this woman, Nymphadora Tonks, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”_

_“I do.”_

“I do.”

 

 

(488)

It felt good to be back on his feet, back inside the action, Sirius thought. But sometimes, doing paperwork, no matter how much fun Dorcas’ dirty jokes were, was exhausting. It was a beautiful Sunday, the sun bright, the air cool, flowers blossoming everywhere as spring arrived… and all Sirius could want to do was going somewhere and be alone for a few minutes. He wasn’t sad, but between his not so glamorous intern job, and studying and training for the tests, Sirius had barely had any time for himself. He only wanted to go to his hideaway and forget about the world for a brief moment.

Hideaway was, luckily, lonely as always; the grass had grown a few inches and it was also tainted with a lighter green in some spots, just as the leaves of the trees around. But the bench was still there and, when Sirius sat down, he discovered that it was as pleasant as it had always been. He felt a vague pain in the back of his throat, but it was more a sting of nostalgia than sadness or bitterness.

Then he heard him.

“Sirius!”

At first he thought he had made it up, but the minute he turned back, it was clear that voice was Remus Lupin’s. He was leaning over the elder oak, all angles and thin limbs sucked by clothes that were too big, but at least, he looked rather healthy. Remus smiled awkwardly at him and Sirius felt his belly jumping with all of the emotions at the time. Remus walked slowly to the bench and, still cautious, stood near enough so they could hear each other, but he didn’t sit.

“Thought I may see you here,” he said, breaking a small green leaf into pieces. “Also, I’ve always loved this place, ever since you brought me. I um… I keep coming back.”

Sirius felt a weird kind of calm inside. For weeks he had ordered the words he would say at Remus if he ever saw him again; he had written them, tore them apart and burnt them. But now that Remus was actually in front of him, he couldn’t remember any of those hurtful words. And it felt right. It made him realize that he wasn’t mad at Remus anymore, but more like a little off place. Sort of as a puzzle piece that didn’t belong to this specifically puzzle. “Um… I guess I should say congratulations,” he said, struggling to keep his voice even.

“Only if you mean it,” Remus replied quietly.

“Oh, well in that case…” Sirius let the phrase in the air.

Remus smiled and Sirius retorted the smile. He breathed deep and let his shoulders to loosen up. Remus approached a few steps. “So, are you ok?”

Sirius shrugged. “I will be. Sooner than later I hope,” he replied.

Remus took a seat next to him. “I heard you’re working at the Ministry again.”

“I am,” Sirius replied with a half-forced smile. “So I guess you heard about my breakdown too?”

Remus shrugged, looking to the distance. “A few rumors here and there.”

“Peter told you, didn’t he?”

“It was James actually,” Remus replied, smiling.

Sirius bit his upper lip and shook his head. “That dick,” he stated playfully.

“I hope you can forgive him,” Remus laughed. “I didn’t want to write you. But I’m glad that you finally got to be an auror.”

“Thank you,” Sirius replied, ignoring the ‘I didn’t want to write you’ part. “But I’m not in yet. I’ve still get to examine again.”

Remus scoffed. “You will do fine. Finally, your dream job,” he said, and Sirius nodded. There was a flat silence then.

“And you um…” Sirius tried to break in. “You’re married.”

“Yeah,” Remus nodded and he let his eyes wander into the horizon. Sirius looked to the horizon as well to avoid rushing into anything. When it was clear that Remus wasn’t going to say anything else, he couldn’t fight it any more. “You should’ve told me.” But word felt awkward and weak as if they left his lips.

“I know,” Remus trailed. “I know. I…”

“When we were at the… you know, wedding” Sirius babbled. “And the dancing, and the…”

“I know,” Remus cut it.

“And the kissing and the fucking,” Sirius insisted.

“I hadn’t proposed yet,” Remus replied. He was clearly embarrassed and Sirius remembered a time when he wanted nothing but to please Remus and make Remus more comfortable with his own skin, with his own life. It felt like years ago.

“But she was in your life?” he demanded.

“Yes.”

“So why did you kissed me?” Sirius almost choked out.

Remus didn’t reply for a few seconds and instead just blinked awkwardly. “Because I felt lonely,” he finally said.

Sirius’ face changed from anger and confusion to understanding. He knew he shouldn’t laugh but laugh was what left his lips when he opened them. Remus chuckled nervously too. “It’s just…” Sirius began, trying to find the words. “You never wanted to be tied to someone and now you’re like… wearing a chain in your finger?”

“Some days I can’t believe it either,” Remus replied, trying to sound careless.

“Right. You know, that’s what I don’t understand. What happened?”

Remus shrugged. “I don’t know. I just woke up one day and knew.”

“Knew what?” Sirius pushed.

“What I was never sure of with you.”

Sirius looked away to scare away the lump of tears in his throat.

“You know what sucks?” he finally brought himself to say. “I spent all this time believing that the reason you were so sad all the time was that you thought you were cursed. And I kept trying to make you understand that you weren’t.”

Remus shook his head and opened his mouth to reply but Sirius cut him. “It was the children at the wedding right? What made you feel lonely.”

Remus smiled. “Thank you,” he said. “For making me feel not-cursed.”

Sirius nodded vaguely. “You will make a wonderful dad one day,” he said.

“You too,” Remus replied, reaching his hand to take Sirius’.

Sirius lowered his gaze to look at their tangled fingers. Remus’, thin and filled with scars, so strong and menacing and yet so fragile. Sirius allowed himself to dream for a few seconds. To dream about him holding hands with Remus like this, sitting in this same bench, in this same park, every day. Maybe they could’ve picked up groceries together and then come back to their place, or maybe they would have a fight and one of them would leave and the other would know where to find him. A dream in which the ring in Remus’ finger had a match in Sirius’ own finger. But that was going too far.

“I should better get going,” Sirius said, cutting his train of thoughts.

Remus nodded and let Sirius’ hand go, leaving only empty, hollow space behind. “It was good seeing you.”

And despite it had been Sirius the one that had said he should get going, it was Remus the one who stood up from the bench and walked away. “Remus!” Sirius called when Remus was a few steps down the hill. Remus stopped and turned back. “I really do hope that you’re happy.”

Remus didn’t say anything but he smiled at him, light and… _happy_.

 

 

(500)

_Most days of the year are unremarkable, they begin and they end. With no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact in the course of our lives. May 21 st was a Tuesday._

“Hold it!” shouted a male voice, his owner running desperately towards the lift.

Sirius, who had no rush at all, waved his wand towards the elevator’s door and held it open, there was no one else inside the cage and he had no interest on hearing the jingles any time soon. A pale brunette man jumped inside with a thump as his briefcase fell on the floor and spread all the parchment pieces everywhere.

“Shit,” he muttered.

“I’ll get it,” Sirius offered, waving again his wand and putting the stuff back in. They were so cluttered and wrinkled that the case barely shut and the man laughed. “I’m no master in cleaning charms,” he noted.

“I can see that,” the man said, smiling broadly, which made his already triangular shaped face, more angled. “Thank you anyway.”

Sirius nodded as the man tapped the briefcase’s lid, forcing the pieces of parchment to arrange neatly again. “So… What’s your department?”

“Magical Law,” Sirius replied. “Well, I’m almost in anyway.”

“That’s really cool,” the man said. “Are all of you guys so fit?”

“We…” Sirius trailed in confusion.

“Nevermind,” the man interrupted. “I’m going to an interview with the Magical Creature’s Control Department. I suppose you don’t happen to know how the Chief’s up there?”

“Who? Pete Dinkleberg? Well he’s nicer than Helga Hufflepuff. And twice as heavy,” Sirius replied with an honest smile.

“That’s… fine I guess,” the man chuckled. “Hey um… can I ask you another question?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Whom can I complain about the freaking jingles?”

Sirius laughed. “Oh, they’re keeping them. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“I’ll have to take the stairs then,” he sighed. And added a… was that a flirtatious smile?

Sirius smiled back and the elevator stopped when the female voice announced the Department of Magic Safety and Magical Law Enforcment. “Well, my stop,” he said, jumping off the cage.

If he had learnt something it was that fate doesn’t exist. The universe doesn’t have a plan for us and coincidence and decision is all that matters. So he ran back and fisted his hand between the elevator’s door. It opened and Sirius got half of his body in. “Sorry,” he said, as he nearly stomped against the mysterious man. “I just… Do you wanna grab a beer after your interview? Or coffee? Nothing weird just…”

“Actually I’m… kind of seeing someone after my meeting?” the man trailed.

“Oh, right. It wasn’t… Well, I’m sorry if I bothered you,” Sirius cut off, beginning to retrait.

“Wait,” the man gripped his forearm. “Coffee is good.”

“Great. So… send me an owl when you’re done?” Sirius smiled. “Oh, I’m Sirius, by the way. What’s your…?”

“Romulus. Nice to meet you.”


End file.
